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Welcome to the July 2006 issue of the Inner Brat Newsletter. Welcome, new readers. If you enjoy this newsletter, please forward it to your friends and encourage them to subscribe. All they need to do is to send a blank email message to innerbrat-subscribe@topica.com. If you have comments or questions, feel free to email me at drwallin@drwallin.com.
	IN THIS ISSUE • Can't stand it? You probably can • Inner brats in the news • Inner brat tip of the month: What to do when you think you can't stand it • Distribution information
• Can't stand it? You probably can. •
Think back to the last time you said to yourself: "I can't stand this!" Unless you were being tortured, or you were in extreme pain to the point where you almost lost consciousness, you probably could "stand it." Language has a very powerful influence on feelings. Phrases such as I can't stand this! or I can't take it any more! magnify your distress. They catastrophize situations and bring out your inner brat. They also make you feel victimized and helpless to do anything about it. For most situations, there is no absolute breaking point at which you can no longer tolerate something. Rather, it's a range. And your mind has a lot to do with where, within that range, you've reached your limit. Consider the following examples: • There's an annoying rattle under the hood of your car that's "driving you crazy." You take it to the mechanic, who says it's nothing serious, but because of its inaccessible location it will cost $1200 in labor to fix. How disturbing is that rattle now? • It's Thanksgiving. You swear you cannot eat another bite . . . "What's that? Aunt Mabel's pumpkin pie? Well, maybe I have just a little more room . . ." • You "can't stand" your boss, who never praises, only criticizes your work. Luckily you apply for (and get) a transfer to a different division within the company. You're leaving your old office in two weeks. Suddenly your boss's constant criticism no longer has the power to bring you to tears. Even intense physical pain has a range, rather than a fixed point, for what we can and cannot tolerate. This was demonstrated by Psychologist William Fordyce, Ph.D. who worked with people in chronic pain. In their rehabilitation exercises the patients were told to do as many repetitions as they could, and to stop when the pain became unbearable. If they had truly used only physical pain as their guide, one would have expected them to stop after 4, or 7, or 11 or any random number of repetitions. But they didn't. The patients typically stopped after multiples of five: 5, 10, or 15. This suggests that in addition to physical pain, the patients were using mental targets in deciding how many repetitions they could tolerate. Thus, if they could do 4 repetitions, they managed to do one more before they decided that the pain was unbearable. In other words, the point at which the patients could take no more was mental as well as physical. Perhaps you've noticed this in your own experience. Have you ever thought you could manage only a little physical or mental exertion (e.g., running, weight lifting, studying, etc.) but ended up doing more than you thought you could? Think back - there was probably some mental target, such as completing a series, finishing up the mile or getting to a logical break in your work. And when you were done, you felt you had maxed out your limit. But was that really the case? Could you not go one more step? And if you could go one more, could you not go two more? See what I mean? We can often tolerate just a bit more. You can adopt the same attitude toward other situations, even those that you cannot control directly. See the Inner Brat Tip of the Month at the end of this newsletter to learn how.
In my book, "Taming Your Inner Brat: A Guide to Transforming Self-defeating Behavior," you can find more ways to withstand stress. There are 3 ways to buy this book: ~Visit your local bookstore ~Order online from my web site: www.innerbrat.com ~Click here to go to Amazon.com
• INNER BRATS IN THE NEWS • In a scheme to sue Campbell's Soup Company, the father of a 3-year-old and 1-year-old laced his children's soup with drugs to make them sick, and then took them to the hospital emergency room. He did this three times in one month, and then contacted the soup company to complain. A woman and her 10-year-old who lost everything in Hurricane Katrina finally located the family dog, which they had put in a shelter. The new owner (in Pennsylvania) refused to return the dog to them. An Oregon man is suing Michael Jordan and Nike for $832 million. He claims that because he looks like Jordan (including shaved head, earring in left ear and wearing Nike shoes) people are always mistaking him for the basketball star. He further claims that Nike has made his life miserable by promoting Jordan and making him one of the most recognized men in the world. For more stories about brats in the news visit my website.
Need a speaker for your next conference, luncheon meeting, or event? Send an email to: drwallin@drwallin.com or call me at 717-761-1814 for more information.
• INNER BRAT TIP OF THE MONTH: What to do when you think you can't stand it • Next time you feel like saying, "I can't stand it," don't. That is, don't say it. As soon as you start talking to yourself like that, you set yourself up for a battle -with someone, something, or with yourself. Instead, try one of the following: • Of course you can acknowledge the personal distress that you feel. However, focus more on what you can do about it, rather than on how it is affecting you. The question to ask yourself is, "What are my options right now?" • Distract yourself for 10 minutes. Do something that requires focus and concentration, make a phone call, listen to music, etc. Taking a 10-minute break from your thoughts will help you calm down, and be better able to tackle the problem more rationally. If 10 minutes seems too much, start with one or two minutes. • Adopt an attitude of "bring it on." Rather than trying to avoid the source of your distress, face it directly. Tell yourself that it's not going to get the better of you. You are strong enough to handle it for 10 minutes. By the time 10 minutes has passed, you may well feel that you can even take another 10 minutes! • Make a decision regarding what you will do, and what you won't do about the situation. Decisions give you power. They help you feel in control again, even when the circumstances don't really change. You're invited: Subscribe to "Pauline's Internet Picks" You are invited to subscribe to my "Pauline's Internet Picks" mailing list at Yahoo Groups. About once a week I send out Internet tips and links to helpful and interesting resources. Take a look here. You can sign up at the website to get the tips delivered to your inbox. Or just send a blank email to: Paulines_Internet_Picks-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
No Inner Brat Newsletter next month. See you in September. Pauline Wallin, Ph.D. www.innerbrat.com Copyright 2006
• Distribution Information • This newsletter may be quoted, reprinted, or forwarded to others as long as the content is not changed and the subscription, copyright, and contact information is included. If you would like to post this newsletter on a website, please contact me for permission at drwallin@drwallin.com. NOTE: The content in this newsletter is for informational purposes only. It is not intended as a substitute for personal consultation with a professional, or as any type of psychological service. The inner brat is NOT a psychiatric diagnosis. If you are having difficulty just getting through the day, this is more than just your inner brat. In this case you are advised to consult a mental health professional. This newsletter is hosted by Topica.com. Topica may include advertisements for unrelated products. I have no control over these ads, but they do help pay for the expenses of distribution, which keeps the newsletter free of cost to you. Copyright 2006 Pauline Wallin. All rights reserved.