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Welcome to the June 2006 issue of the Inner Brat Newsletter. Welcome, new readers. If you enjoy this newsletter, please forward it to your friends and encourage them to subscribe. All they need to do is to send a blank email message to innerbrat-subscribe@topica.com. If you have comments or questions, feel free to email me at drwallin@drwallin.com.
	IN THIS ISSUE • Waiting: NOT always stressful • Inner brats in the news • Dr. Wallin in the media • Inner brat tip of the month: De-stress your wait time • Distribution information
• Waiting: NOT always stressful •
How do you feel about waiting in line, waiting on hold, and other forms of waiting? Is it stressful? Do you get impatient or angry? Does your inner brat demand that the wait be over? If so, you're not alone. Several years ago a Pittsburgh research firm estimated that each of us spends over 5 years of our lives waiting. Not all at once, of course, but a few annoying minutes at a time. Waiting can certainly be irritating and exasperating. But there are times when it's easier to tolerate. Here are some psychological factors that determine how tolerable your wait will be: 1. Attention: The more you pay attention to the wait time, the longer it seems. Suppose you're in a checkout line. The person in front of you is fumbling to find her checkbook. Then she asks the cashier for a pen. Doesn't it seem to take forever as you watch her write her check? The actual wait time is probably no more than two minutes. But what if, instead, you grab a magazine off a rack and look through it until it's your turn? Often, you wish you had more time to finish reading the article. 2. Expectations: The longer you expect to wait, the more patient you are. For example, suppose you have tickets to a play or concert, and you arrive a half hour early. During that half hour you peruse the program, look around the theater or chat with the person next to you. You're relatively relaxed. But then show time arrives. At five minutes past the appointed time you start looking at your watch, squirming in your seat. After 10 minutes you may become annoyed enough to complain about the wait. In other words, you had no problem waiting 30 minutes because you didn't expect anything to happen during that time. But once you expected the show to begin, even five minutes seemed too long. 3. Uncertainty: Not knowing how long you must wait is stressful. Does this sound familiar? "Please hold. All of our representatives are busy. Your call is very important to us, and will be answered in the order that it is received." That message is not very reassuring or calming. At best it lets you know that you are in the queue. You still have no idea as to how long the wait will be. Some companies give you an estimate of the wait time. Not only does this tell you whether the wait is two minutes or 20 minutes; it also gives you a feeling of control. If you choose to wait a long time, you are less apt to be angry about it, than if the decision is out of your hands. 4. The perceived value of what you're waiting for: If you want it badly, it's worth the wait. Some people will eagerly wait in line for hours just to catch a glimpse of a celebrity or to take advantage of a special sale, such as on the day after Thanksgiving in the U.S., when stores offer rock-bottom prices on popular items. On the other hand, these same people might well grumble about waiting in line for more than ten minutes to buy stamps at the post office. Why the difference? You can buy stamps elsewhere. You probably won't get another chance to see the Pope drive by.
In my book, "Taming Your Inner Brat: A Guide to Transforming Self-defeating Behavior," you can learn more about keeping your impatience and anger under control. There are 3 ways to buy this book: ~Visit your local bookstore ~Order online from my web site: www.innerbrat.com ~Click here to go to Amazon.com
• INNER BRATS IN THE NEWS • Council members of the "English Riviera" community of Torquay have urged removal of the palm trees along pedestrian streets. The sharp palm leaves could cause injury to eyes or faces. . . .Such are the concerns in this litigious age. Two years ago a 14-year-old boy was driving his mother's car (without a license) and crashed it. His 2 teenage passengers were killed. Now the boy and his mother are suing the families of the dead passengers, claiming they were partly responsible for their own deaths. They argue that the mother actually gave the keys to one of the passengers who had a junior license, and that he was the one who let her son drive. A St. Louis politician, whose campaign ads describe him as a devoted father, owes $7000 in child support for his two children. He did take out a bank loan, but used it to pay for the political campaign of his current wife, who is also running for office. For more stories about brats in the news visit my website.
Dr. Wallin in the Media I'm quoted in the July 2006 issue of Fitness Magazine, and also in an upcoming issue of Glamour. If you live in the Harrisburg/Hershey/Lancaster Pennsylvania area, you may have seen me on TV news.
• Inner Brat Tip of the Month: De-stress your wait time • The stressful part of waiting is not the situation. It's how you handle it. If you let your inner brat take control, you will end up impatient, angry and perhaps even destructive. Here's what to do instead: 1. Pay attention to something else. The less you focus on the wait itself, the more quickly time will seem to pass. 2. Adjust your expectations. Assume it's going to take twice as long as you'd like. And then distract yourself with something interesting to help pass the time - read something, listen to music or make a phone call. 3. If possible try to find out how long you'll have to wait. This is especially helpful at airports, doctors' offices and restaurants. 4. Add value to what you're waiting for. Think about the enjoyment or the relief that you'll feel once the waiting is over. 5. Remind yourself that compared to all the problems in the world, the act of waiting is pretty trivial. Waiting is merely a temporary inconvenience, not worth getting your inner brat involved.
Until next month, Pauline Wallin, Ph.D. www.innerbrat.com Copyright 2006
• Distribution Information • This newsletter may be quoted, reprinted, or forwarded to others as long as the content is not changed and the subscription, copyright, and contact information is included. If you would like to post this newsletter on a website, please contact me for permission at drwallin@drwallin.com. NOTE: The content in this newsletter is for informational purposes only. It is not intended as a substitute for personal consultation with a professional, or as any type of psychological service. The inner brat is NOT a psychiatric diagnosis. If you are having difficulty just getting through the day, this is more than just your inner brat. In this case you are advised to consult a mental health professional. This newsletter is hosted by Topica.com. Topica may include advertisements for unrelated products. I have no control over these ads, but they do help pay for the expenses of distribution, which keeps the newsletter free of cost to you. Copyright 2006 Pauline Wallin. All rights reserved.