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Welcome to the December 2005 issue of the Inner Brat Newsletter. Welcome, new readers. If you enjoy this newsletter, please forward it to your friends and encourage them to subscribe. All they need to do is to send a blank email message to innerbrat-subscribe@topica.com. If you have comments or questions, feel free to email me at drwallin@drwallin.com.
	IN THIS ISSUE • Striving for best can backfire • Inner brats in the news • Announcement: Free Teleseminar in January • Dr. Wallin in the news • Distribution information
NEW FEATURE: I have recorded the article below in a voice file. If you'd like to hear me, click here to listen...
• STRIVING FOR BEST CAN BACKFIRE •
Does it seem harder to make decisions these days? And do you frequently second-guess your choice? If so, you may be what psychologist Barry Schwartz calls a "maximizer." Maximizers are people who always seek to always have the best results - the best deal, the latest gadget, the best movie, the best restaurant meal, etc. The following quiz is adapted, with permission, from Dr. Schwartz's research. Next to each item, put a number from 1 ("Disagree Completely") to 7 ("Agree Completely")   1. When I watch TV, I channel-surf, even while attempting to watch one program 2. When I am in the car listening to the radio, I often check other stations to see if something better is playing, even if I am relatively satisfied with what I'm listening to. 3. No matter how satisfied I am with my job, it's only right for me to be on the lookout for better opportunities. 4. When shopping, I have a hard time finding clothing that I really love. 5. I often find it difficult to shop for a gift for a friend. 6. No matter what I do, I have the highest standards for myself. 7. I'm a big fan of lists that attempt to rank things (the best movies, the best singers, the best athletes, the best novels, etc.). 8. Renting videos is really difficult. I'm always struggling to pick out the best one. 9. I never settle for second best. 10. If I make a choice and it turns out well, I still feel like something of a failure if I find out that another choice would have turned out better.   Add up your score. If you scored between 35 and 50 you have maximizer tendencies. A score of 50 or more means you are definitely a maximizer. What's wrong with being a maximizer? Aren't high standards important? Yes, high standards are important, but not for everything. Sometimes - actually, most of the time - all you need is "good enough." I tend to be a maximizer myself. You'll find me in the produce section of the supermarket, handling 15,000 cantaloupes, trying to pick the "best" one. When I buy a greeting card, I have to check all the cards in the store to make sure that the one I end up with is the absolutely most appropriate. And buying electronic equipment, with the dizzying array of options and prices, is a nightmare for me -- or at least it used to be, until I learned to stop looking when I find an item that meets my needs, and is within a pre-determined price range, not necessarily the lowest price. (Disclaimer: It also helps if the item is on sale.) Maximizing is not limited to buying things. It is also related to rigid perfectionism of any type, especially when there are a lot of options. For example, some parents worry about providing their young children with the best kinds of educational experiences. The problem is that experts differ in what they deem as "best." Some claim that physical activity builds healthy brains; others push art, music or unstructured play. So what's a parent to do? What if a parent makes the "wrong" choice? Similar dilemmas crop up with decisions about marriage and career. Certain people are afraid to commit to a relationship that is quite satisfactory, because someone more perfect might come along. Many folks who hate their jobs study and research alternative career paths for months, but become so paralyzed by the number of possibilities and the fear of making a mistake that they end up doing nothing. It's not surprising that maximizers are less satisfied with the choices they eventually do make, because they are always wondering if that was REALLY the best option. Maximizers tend to be more dissatisfied with life in general - which brings out negative, bratty attitudes. At the other end of the spectrum are "satisficers." They may also have high standards, but their standards are based on what's "good enough." Once they find something (or someone) that meets these criteria, they stop looking - simple as that. No second-guessing, no regrets. Satisficers know there might have been other, more attractive options, but they are satisfied with what they have, because it meets their needs. If their needs change, they'll start searching anew, but not until then. Satisficers also know this secret: Accepting and living with what you have makes you a happy person. To learn more about maximizers and satisficers, read Barry Schwartz's book, The Paradox of Choice: Why More Is Less (Harper Perennial, 2005)
Need a speaker for your next conference, luncheon meeting, or event? Send an email to: drwallin@drwallin.com or call me at 717-761-1814 for more information. In my book, "Taming Your Inner Brat: A Guide to Transforming Self-defeating Behavior" you can help rid yourself of the negative mindset that sabotages your best intentions. There are 3 ways to buy this book: ~Order online from my web site: www.innerbrat.com ~Click here to go to Amazon.com ~The publisher is extending their offer for 35% discount and FREE SHIPPING!! That's just $9.72 per copy.
• INNER BRATS IN THE NEWS • Fearing lawsuits, stores and malls in Australia that hire men to play Santa Claus have instituted restrictive rules: Santas cannot hand out candy; they can't pat children on the head. They can't say "ho, ho, ho." because it frightens some children. They must have parents' permission before kids sit on their laps. For photos both of their hands must be in full view. This emphasis on extreme political correctness has resulted in a shortage of applicants for the Santa role. A Florida physician who pleaded guilty to sexually molesting a patient is now suing his disability insurer. He claims that his diagnosis of "deviant sexual desire" renders him disabled from his normal occupation, and thus he is entitled to to collect disability benefits. A man posing as a psychologist saw patients at a hospital, charging £55 (about $100) per visit. When he was caught, arrested and put on trial, he claimed that his motive was not his own financial gain, but to expose "loopholes" in the mental health system. For more stories about brats in the news visit my website.
• ANNOUNCEMENT: FREE TELESEMINAR IN JANUARY • Next month I'm going to be hosting a free teleseminar, with tips on how to make your New Year's Resolution stick. It will be a live conference call, with an opportunity for you to get your questions answered. Have not yet firmed up a specific date, but will let you know soon. Watch for a special mailing about this after Christmas. For now, HERE'S WHAT I NEED FROM YOU: In order to make this teleseminar of maximum benefit to you, please tell me: What's the single most important question you would like me to answer about holding to your New Year's resolutions? Send your question to drwallin@drwallin.com The teleseminar will be tailored around YOUR questions. • DR. WALLIN IN THE MEDIA • This week the Philadelphia Inquirer (Dec. 19) quoted me regarding tips for healthy holiday shopping. This month I was also quoted in Newsweek (Dec. 5), Shape Magazine, and Quick & Simple Magazine. Watch for me in upcoming issues of Redbook, Fitness and Family Circle.
Until next month, Pauline Wallin, Ph.D. www.innerbrat.com Copyright 2005
• Distribution Information • This newsletter may be quoted, reprinted, or forwarded to others as long as the content is not changed and the subscription, copyright, and contact information is included. If you would like to post this newsletter on a website, please contact me for permission at drwallin@drwallin.com. NOTE: The content in this newsletter is for informational purposes only. It is not intended as a substitute for personal consultation with a professional, or as any type of psychological service. The inner brat is NOT a psychiatric diagnosis. If you are having difficulty just getting through the day, this is more than just your inner brat. In this case you are advised to consult a mental health professional. This newsletter is hosted by Topica.com. Topica may include advertisements for unrelated products. I have no control over these ads, but they do help pay for the expenses of distribution, which keeps the newsletter free of cost to you. Copyright 2005 Pauline Wallin. All rights reserved.