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Welcome to the October 2005 issue of the Inner Brat Newsletter. Welcome, new readers. If you enjoy this newsletter, please forward it to your friends and encourage them to subscribe. All they need to do is to send a blank email message to innerbrat-subscribe@topica.com. If you have comments or questions, feel free to email me at drwallin@drwallin.com. IN THIS ISSUE • NEW LOOK! • Engage brain before putting mouth into gear • Inner brats in the news • How have you tamed your own inner brat? • Inner brat tip of the month: Dealing with bureaucrats • Distribution information • NEW LOOK! • The Inner Brat Newsletter has a new look. My daughter, Janis Wallin, the artsy one in the family, put her web-design skills to work and converted the newsletter from plain-vanilla text to this new version. It is guaranteed virus-free, and it's much easier on your eyes to read. I hope you like it. Comments and feedback are welcome: drwallin@drwallin.com Janis is available to design your website or newsletter. Low rates and fast service. Visit her design site at www.ice-sites.com for more information. • Engage brain before putting mouth into gear • NOTE TO SELF: "Engage brain before putting mouth into gear." I couldn't find the origin of this saying, but it ranks in my top ten instructions for successful living. It's just another way of saying, "Think before you speak," but it sounds much more important. When your mouth gets moving before your brain is engaged, your inner brat is unfettered. There is no filter to prevent you from saying things you might later regret. Here are some risks of speaking without thinking: • You might hurt/alarm/offend others, intentionally or not • You might regret betraying secrets and confidences • You might lose the advantage while negotiating • You might lose respect from others • Your reputation might suffer long-term damage • You might lose your chance for a date, for a job or for a promotion • You might get into trouble with the law • You can't take back what you said If speaking mindlessly is so potentially destructive, why do people do it? There are a number of reasons: 1. To get attention: Spreading gossip or saying something outrageous puts you in the limelight for 15 seconds. But you may pay a high price to pay for those 15 seconds - lost trust and hurt feelings. 2. To prove something; to win an argument: If you are too intent on winning, you'll miss opportunities to find a solution or compromise. You may have the last word, but you won't have constructive results. 3. To get something off your chest or to let off steam: When someone ticks you off, it may feel satisfying to give him a piece of your mind. But later you'll realize that it was the wrong piece. All it takes to make sure that the words you speak now won't bite you in the you-know-where later on, is to pay attention and think. Are these words coming from you? Or from your inner brat? Is there more potential harm than benefit from saying these words? It's not always easy to ignore your inner brat's urge to blurt things out. But one thing for sure - you won't regret it.   Need a speaker for your next conference, luncheon meeting, or event? Send an email to drwallin@drwallin.com or call me at 717-761-1814 for more information. In my book, "Taming Your Inner Brat: A Guide to Transforming Self-defeating Behavior," you can learn how to control your impulses. It's not as hard as you think. There are 3 ways to buy this book: ~Visit your local bookstore ~Order online from my web site: www.innerbrat.com ~Click here to go to Amazon.com   • Inner Brats in the News • A prison inmate who was severely beaten up by his former cellmate during an escape, is suing the prison for his injuries. He claims that guards failed to prevent the escape. In the midst of a divorce a woman advertised her husband's yacht for sale, asking less than half its worth. The husband chopped it with an axe, which sank the boat and made it worthless. Police said that both will be responsible to pay for salvage and cleanup. The father of a high-school football player was angry that a prankster dressed in purple underwear ran across the field, just as his son missed kicking the ball for an extra point. The father left his bleacher seat, found the purple prankster and punched him in the face. They were both charged with disorderly conduct. For more stories about brats in the news visit my website.   How have you tamed your own inner brat? Read stories of people who are working on taming their inner brats. Contribute your own story. You can remain anonymous. Click here!   • Inner Brat Tip of the Month: Dealing with bureaucrats • Have you ever been at the mercy of people who have the power to give or deny information, access, permits or exceptions? Sometimes it seems that bureaucrats just live to see you squirm. Here are some tips to get them on your side: 1. Never threaten. Leave your inner brat at home. Find some way to enable the bureaucrat to feel important. 2. Use their name in conversation. People are flattered to be addressed by name. If you don't know their name, ask them in an inquisitive way, "So . . . I didn't catch your name . . . OK Stacy, as I was saying . . . " 3. Find some way to make a personal connection. For example, if you notice a photo of the person's family, you might say that you have also have kids. 4. Ask for help, but make sure it's something that the person has the authority to do. At the very least, this person can give you some information. Be humble. Example: "I know it's my own fault for not getting my forms in on time, but is there possibly anyone that I could talk to? I'm desperate." 5. Be sure to thank the person. If you really appreciated the help, write a follow-up note of thanks. It will brighten their day. Until next month, Pauline Wallin, Ph.D. www.innerbrat.com Copyright 2005   • Distribution Information • This newsletter may be quoted, reprinted, or forwarded to others as long as the content is not changed and the subscription, copyright, and contact information is included. If you would like to post this newsletter on a website, please contact me for permission at drwallin@drwallin.com. NOTE: The content in this newsletter is for informational purposes only. It is not intended as a substitute for personal consultation with a professional, or as any type of psychological service. The inner brat is NOT a psychiatric diagnosis. If you are having difficulty just getting through the day, this is more than just your inner brat. In this case you are advised to consult a mental health professional. This newsletter is hosted by Topica.com. Topica may include advertisements for unrelated products. I have no control over these ads, but they do help pay for the expenses of distribution, which keeps the newsletter free of cost to you. Copyright 2005 Pauline Wallin. All rights reserved.