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This free monthly newsletter, written by a clinical psychologist with over 30 years of experience, explains how the inner brat works, and presents tips for putting you in charge of your inner brat. To read past issues of this newsletter, visit http://drwallin.com/newsletter/ Written and Published by: Pauline Wallin, Ph.D. Author, "Taming Your Inner Brat: A Guide to Transforming Self-defeating Behavior" http://www.innerbrat.com Copyright 2004 Pauline Wallin. All rights reserved. ************************************************** Welcome to the December, 2004 issue of the Inner Brat Newsletter. Welcome, new readers. If you enjoy this newsletter, please forward it to your friends and encourage them to subscribe. All they need to do is to send a blank email message to mailto:innerbrat-subscribe@topica.com. If you have comments or questions, feel free to email me at drwallin at drwallin.com IN THIS ISSUE > Shopping, gifts and your inner brat > Inner brats in the news > How have you tamed your own inner brat? > Inner brat tip of the month: Shopping need not be an ordeal > Distribution information This newsletter is hosted by Topica.com. Topica may include advertisements for unrelated products. I have no control over these ads, but they do help pay for the expenses of distribution, which keeps the newsletter free of cost to you. ************************************ Shopping, gifts and your inner brat ************************************ A British mathematician has determined that holiday shopping stopped being fun on December 3, 2004 at 12:30 p.m. My husband begs to differ. For him, shopping stopped being fun when he got too big for his stroller. But even for those who enjoy shopping at other times of the year, the holiday season brings a new set of challenges. Tony Mann, math professor at Greenwich University in London, came up with a mathematical formula to express it: "E(t) = A(1-ke to the power of at) where E is amount of enthusiasm, t is time left in days, a is the rate at which enthusiasm is lost, A is a factor to express enthusiasm at 100 per cent and k is a factor to express enthusiasm at 0 per cent." My brain locked up when I read this, but it supposedly means that the closer we get to Christmas, the more that the pleasures of shopping become outweighed by the stresses and irritants -- crowds, traffic congestion, distances walked to purchase gifts, postage deadlines and schools going on break. This probably comes as no surprise to you, especially if you don't like shopping in the first place. Of all the factors that Professor Mann included in his research, he left out a very important one: the inner brat. As you seasoned readers of this newsletter already know, circumstances alone cannot make a person grouchy, irritable, impatient or angry. It is your inner brat that takes these circumstances and makes such a big deal about them (psychologists call this "awfulizing") that it can ruin your day. It all starts from expectations. Think about fighting traffic, waiting in line and dealing with crowds, and you already start rehearsing how terrible it's going to be. Add to that the dizzying abundance of merchandise that you have to choose from, and you feel even more stressed. According to Barry Schwartz, Psychology professor and author of "The Paradox of Choice: Why More is Less," the more choices you are faced with, the less satisfied you are with your purchases. This is particularly true if you are a "maximizer" -- someone who always has to get the absolute best deal or the newest of the new products. Maximizers research everything thoroughly, yet are always second-guessing their decisions. If you are a maximizer, not only will you be dissatisfied with the gifts you buy, but you will also be unhappy with those you receive. You'll focus on what's wrong with them or on what's lacking, rather than on being happy with what you do get. The opposite of a maximizer is a "satisficer." Satisficers do not need to have perfection in everything. They are happy with good enough, especially when there is very little difference among the options. Satisficers recognize that they may not have the absolute best, but for them it is more important to move on and live with what they have. Satisficers do not have to deal as much with their inner brats -- at least as far as shopping is concerned -- because they have a higher level of tolerance for imperfection. If you want to have a decent shopping experience during the next couple of weeks, train yourself to be more of a satisficer rather than a maximizer. ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Need a speaker for your next conference, luncheon meeting, or event? Send an email to: drwallin at drwallin.com or call me at 717-761-1814 for more information. ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ ############################################ In my book, "Taming Your Inner Brat: A Guide to Transforming Self-defeating Behavior," There are 3 ways to buy this book: ~Visit your local bookstore ~Order online from my web site, http://www.innerbrat.com ~click here to go to Amazon.com: http://shorterlink.com/?I5P5U1 ############################################# ***************************** Inner Brats in the News ***************************** The family of a toddler who died when her father accidentally backed up his SUV and ran her over, is now suing Nissan, the manufacturer of the car. The family claims that the company should have installed back-up video cameras or sensors on the vehicle. =======================================================A Connecticut man assaulted a city employee who refused to haul away his raked leaves because they had not been pushed to the street. The man grabbed the employee by the jacket, spat and cursed at him. He later apologized, but added that his leaves had been ignored for 34 years. =======================================================A Pennsylvania woman, who was hit by a train while she was walking along the tracks, is suing the railroad. She claims that the railroad company should have gates or signs warning people not to walk close to the tracks. She also claims that the engineer did not stop the train in a timely manner and that he failed to yield the right of way to a pedestrian. ==========================================================For more stories about brats in the news visit my website http://www.drwallin.com/news.shtml ************************************** How have you tamed your own inner brat? ************************************** Read stories of people who are working on taming their inner brats. Contribute your own story. You can remain anonymous. Go to: http://www.drwallin.com/innerbrat_contrib.shtml ********************************************************** Inner brat tip of the month: Shopping need not be an ordeal ********************************************************** Shopping during the holiday season need not be an ordeal. Here are some tips to minimize stress and keep your inner brat out of the picture: 1. You don't have to buy everything on your kids' or family members' lists. Remember, these lists are suggestions, not orders. Besides, a year from now most people won’t even remember what they got. If your family is going to love you less because you didn't buy them everything they wanted, they may need an "inner brat adjustment" themselves. 2. If you find yourself procrastinating on shopping, you are probably negotiating too much with your inner brat. It may be complaining that it's too cold, that it's too late in the day, or that there'll be a better sale next week. Don't let your inner brat sabotage your decision. Go shopping regardless of whether you feel like it. 3. Don't allow your inner brat to dwell on how terrible your shopping trip will be. Once you're underway, think of something positive about the experience, such as the fact that you'll be getting exercise. 4. Pace yourself with traffic and crowds. Resign yourself to spending longer than usual in travel and in the stores. Set aside 50% more time than you think you'll need for shopping. Such mental preparation will leave room for the unexpected, so that you will feel less frustrated overall. 4. If you have to wait in line, strike up a conversation with the person next to you. Time will pass more quickly, with less opportunity for your inner brat to stress you out. 6. While in the stores, do something kind for someone else, such as letting a mother with small children go ahead of you to the cashier. It will quiet your inner brat, and it may even put you in the holiday spirit of giving! Until next month, Pauline Wallin, Ph.D. http://www.innerbrat.com NOTE: The content in this newsletter is for informational purposes only. It is not intended as a substitute for personal consultation with a professional, or as any type of psychological service. The inner brat is NOT a psychiatric diagnosis. If you are having difficulty just getting through the day, this is more than just your inner brat. In this case you are advised to consult a mental health professional. Copyright 2004 Pauline Wallin. All rights reserved. |
