This free monthly newsletter, written by a clinical psychologist with over 30 years
of experience, explains how the inner brat works, and presents tips for putting you
in charge of your inner brat.
To read past issues of this newsletter, visit http://drwallin.com/newsletter/
Written and Published by:
Pauline Wallin, Ph.D.
Author, "Taming Your Inner Brat: A Guide to Transforming Self-defeating Behavior"
http://www.innerbrat.com
Copyright 2004 Pauline Wallin. All rights reserved.
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Welcome to the July, 2004 issue of the Inner Brat Newsletter. Welcome,
new readers. If you enjoy this newsletter, please forward it to your
friends and encourage them to subscribe. All they need to do is to send
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If you have comments or questions, feel free to email me at
.
IN THIS ISSUE
> Are inner brats inherited?
> Inner brats in the news
> How have you tamed your own inner brat?
> Inner brat tip of the month: Vacation without aggragavation
> Distribution information
This newsletter is hosted by Topica.com. Topica may include
advertisements for unrelated products. I have no control over these
ads, but they do help pay for the expenses of distribution, which keeps
the newsletter free of cost to you.
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Are inner brats inherited?
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If you’re like most people, you probably said to yourself at least once
during your childhood or teens: “I’m never going to behave like my
mother (or father) when I grow up.” Such thoughts would enter your mind
especially when your parent treated you in a harsh manner, embarrassed
you, or ignored you.
And now you may find yourself behaving in the same bratty way toward
others. How could this happen? Much to our chagrin, it's quite common
to have some of the same negative traits as our parents, despite our
best intentions to avoid them.
Some people attribute these similarities to their heritage: "I'm
Italian," they'll say, or "I've inherited my father's German stubborn
streak." Others claim that all these behaviors are just learned -- if
you hang out with screamers, you're going to be loud yourself. If your
family doesn’t hug one another, you’re not going to be very affectionate
either.
It’s true that environment does shape our personalities to some extent.
Culture and family life certainly affect how we behave. Kids imitate
what they see and respond to what they’re rewarded for. For example,
parents who value education and praise good grades typically have
children who are better students, regardless of IQ levels.
But environment doesn’t explain everything. Despite parents’ efforts to
raise responsible, conscientious citizens, some children will not turn
out that way. Similarly, it is not unusual to see well-adjusted
individuals who come from a highly dysfunctional family.
Research on twins has shed light on the role of environment vs heredity
in determining personality. Each set of twins raised together drink the
same water, eat the same foods and watch the same TV shows. They go to
the same schools, know the same peers and experience the same discipline
style from their parents. In other words, all twins (who are raised
together) share the same environment.
If environment is the key to personality then we would expect identical
twins to be no more similar to one another than fraternal twins. But
that’s not the case. Research has shown that identical twins (who have
exactly the same genes) are more similar to one another on many
personality dimensions than are fraternal twins (who share only 50% of
the same genes.)
What’s more, identical twins who were adopted by different families are
more similar in personality to one another than to the separate adoptive
families in which they grew up!
This means that heredity has a big role in how you turn out. But it’s
not simply a matter of “inheriting” your mother’s bad temper or your
father’s drinking habit.
Experts believe that what you inherit are “temperaments.” Temperament is
a predisposition to react in certain ways. It appears at birth or
shortly thereafter, and tends to run in families. This explains, for
example, why certain breeds of dogs are more aggressive than others.
It’s the same with people. Some babies are more active than others;
some are more distractible; some are more easily startled.
These temperaments help determine not only the kinds of experiences that
a growing child seeks out -- for example, one who needs a lot of
stimulation will take more risks -- but also, how others respond. Thus,
a child who is calm will tend to elicit different parental reactions
than a child who is more excitable.
So how does all this figure into your parents’ inner brats and your own?
It is quite likely that you have inherited temperaments from one or
both of your biological parents. If your parent gets angry easily, you
may too -- but not because you inherited your parent’s anger. It is
because you inherited a a sensitivity to irritation, or a predisposition
to react quickly to situations. These in turn make you prone to
impulsive behavior such as angry outbursts.
Before you get ready to use this as an excuse for your next temper
tantrum or drinking binge, keep in mind that you do have control over
how you channel your inherited tendencies. For example, a person who
needs a lot of stimulation and novelty might end up as a criminal who
takes risks -- or as an inventor, a CIA agent or a professional
entertainer. Someone who is innately cautious might end up as an
underachiever -- or as a quality-control specialist, a researcher, or a
brain surgeon.
Thus, even though temperaments are inherited, inner brat behaviors are
NOT inevitable. The very traits that get us into trouble are the same
ones that can be put to constructive use. With a little creativity you
can nudge your inner brat in a more positive direction.
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*** ANNOUNCEMENT: New edition of Taming Your Inner Brat ***
My book, “Taming Your Inner Brat: A Guide to Transforming Self-defeating
Behavior" will soon be published as a new edition. Stay tuned for a
special offer for readers of this newsletter.
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Inner Brats in the News
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A man in Russia is suing his ex-girlfriend for return of chocolates,
nuts and fruit that he gave her. She claims that she has already eaten
them and can't return them. Her jilted lover is unfazed. He is
prepared to take the matter to the Supreme Court.
=======================================================At a Chuck E. Cheese
restaurant a 31-year-old woman threw pizza at, and
threatened to beat a teenager in a Chuck E. Cheese costume. She was
angry that the character was not paying enough attention to her child.
=======================================================In Germany a 400-lb man who
lives in government-subsidized housing
claimed that he needed a bigger apartment to accommodate his size. The
court ruled that obesity did not entitle him to more living space.
========================================================For more stories about brats
in the news visit my website
http://www.drwallin.com/news.shtml
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How have you tamed your own inner brat?
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Read stories of people who are working on taming their inner brats.
Contribute your own story. You can remain anonymous. Go to:
http://www.drwallin.com/innerbrat_contrib.shtml
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Inner brat tip of the month: Vacation without aggravation
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I know we have readers from “down under” where the weather is cool, but
the majority of you are in the midst of the summer season in the
northern hemisphere. If you find summer vacations disappointing, your
inner brat may need adjustment. Here are some tips:
1. Weather happens. Deal with it. Don't waste a rainy day lamenting
over what you can't do. Decide to either get wet or to do something
indoors.
2. If you go to restaurants in resort areas, be prepared to wait. Use
the time for conversation or contemplation. Enjoy the scenery.
3. Take turns with family or friends to select activities, and resolve
to be cheerful about others' choices.
4. Don't schedule too much in one day. Leave time for browsing and
exploring.
5. Try to arrive back home with extra time to unwind before resuming
your normal routine again.
Until next month,
Pauline Wallin, Ph.D.
http://www.innerbrat.com
DISTRIBUTION INFORMATION: This newsletter may be quoted, reprinted, or forwarded to
others as long as the content is not changed and the subscription, copyright, and
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website, please contact me for permission at
NOTE: The content in this newsletter is for informational purposes only. It is not
intended as a substitute for personal consultation with a professional, or as any
type of psychological service.
The inner brat is NOT a psychiatric diagnosis. If you are having difficulty just
getting through the day, this is more than just your inner brat. In this case you
are advised to consult a mental health professional.
Copyright 2004 Pauline Wallin. All rights reserved.
