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What a zit taught me about my inner brat
This newsletter is hosted by Topica.com. Topica may include advertisements for unrelated products. I have no control over these ads, but they do help pay for the expenses of distribution, which keeps the newsletter free of cost to you. **************************************** What a zit taught me about my inner brat **************************************** One Saturday morning, at age 15, I looked in the mirror and was horrified to see a huge, red pimple on my forehead. To a teenager that is a major crisis, especially when half a tube of Clearasil only makes it look worse. Who would have predicted that this zit would teach me a life lesson? Silly now that I look back on this incident, but at the time I was consumed with shame. I even canceled my weekend plans because I didn't want to be seen in public. So you can imagine my rage when my sister snapped a photo, preserving this ugly image forever. (Lucky for her, she could run faster than me.) And, to add insult to injury, my mother lovingly placed the picture in the family album! But it turned out that this was the best thing she could have done. During a visit back home 12 years later I was looking through old family albums, and came across "THE photograph," which I recognized instantly from the orange dress I had been wearing (and which I never wore again.) Bravely I mustered up the courage to examine the photo, and to relive the humiliation of that abominable zit. You've probably guessed by now that I had to search pretty hard to see the blemish on my face in the picture. If I looked very closely, I could detect a small speck on my forehead. It certainly didn't cover my face as I had recalled that it did. That photo sure put things in focus for me -- and not just in terms of zits. I instantly realized that by fixating on a single, minor blemish, I had become a self-pitying recluse. For a couple of days I lost all objectivity, allowing this pimple to take over my life, magnifying its negative impact. This is precisely what your inner brat does. In its self-absorbed way it dwells on what's wrong in your life, distorting the negative way out of proportion. It views all setbacks -- even minor inconveniences -- as catastrophes. Not only can your inner brat make you feel like a victim; it can also render you negative and pessimistic about life in general. A negative attitude becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy that sets you up for future failures and disappointments. Your inner brat convinces you that you might as well not put forth much effort because nothing ever works out anyway. And guess what? When you don't try, you don't experience success. Most pessimistic people don't realize that they can change their attitudes. It really is possible to train yourself to be more optimistic. Optimists do not ignore problems. They just look at them differently, thinking in terms of opportunities rather than limitations. Also, research shows that optimistic people are less likely to be depressed, are more productive, and enjoy better health than their pessimistic counterparts. Even in war-torn countries, optimistic people have hope for the future. If you want to cultivate a more positive outlook on life, see the Tips section at the end of this newsletter. ############################################ In my book, "Taming Your Inner Brat: A Guide to Transforming Self-defeating Behavior," you can learn more about how your inner brat makes you miserable, and what you can do about it. There are 4 ways to buy this book: ~Visit your local bookstore ~Order online from my web site, http://www.innerbrat.com ~click here to go to Amazon.com: http://shorterlink.com/?I5P5U1 -You can also order by telephone directly from the publisher (503) 531-8700. Ask for the "Friends and family" rate to receive a discount. ############################################# ***************************** Inner Brats in the News ***************************** The research organization, Public Agenda, has released a report on teachers' and parents' attitudes about school discipline. There was strong agreement that "discipline and behavior problems in America's public schools are serious, pervasive and are compromising student learning. They are also driving a substantial number of teachers out of the profession." More than half the teachers surveyed said that their school districts back down too readily from lawsuit-threatening parents. ========================================================= The chairman of a school board in North Carolina addressed the class of graduating seniors with a plagiarized speech that was identical to one given by former U.S. government official Donna Shalala in 1998. After claiming he wrote the speech himself, he finally admitted that he had found it on the Internet. In his own defense he said that there was no mention of Shalala's name on the web site, and that he would have attributed the speech to her, had he only known. ========================================================= An Illinois woman pleaded guilty to theft. She had told people that her 7-year-old son was dying of cancer, which was a lie, and collected thousands of dollars in donations, which she spent on a vacation. ========================================================= For more stories about brats in the news visit my website http://www.drwallin.com/news.shtml ***************************************************** Inner Brat Joke of the Month: Optimist vs Pessimist ***************************************************** The following is a variation on one of Ronald Reagan’s favorite anecdotes: A family had twin boys whose only resemblance to each other was their looks. Opposite in every way, one was an eternal optimist, the other a doom & gloom pessimist. Just to see what would happen, on the twins' birthday their father loaded the pessimist's room with every imaginable toy and game. The optimist's room he loaded with horse manure. That night the father passed by the pessimist's room and found him sitting amid his new gifts crying bitterly. "Why are you crying?" the father asked. "Because my friends will be jealous, I'll have to read all these instructions before I can do anything with this stuff, I'll constantly need batteries, and my toys will eventually get broken," whined the pessimist twin. Passing the optimist twin's room, the father found him dancing for joy in the pile of manure. "What are you so happy about?" he asked. To which his optimist twin replied, "With all this manure, there's got to be a pony in here somewhere!" ****************************************************** Inner brat tip of the month: Strengthen your optimism ****************************************************** Optimism is a major brat-buster. When you think in terms of constructive possibilities, you are confident. You can withstand more adversity and stress. You look to the future with excitement rather than dread. Here are some tips on increasing your level of hope and optimism: 1. Every night before going to sleep, write down three good things that happened that day. This may seem hokey, but research shows that people who do this on a regular basis sleep better and wake up in a better mood, ready to take on the day. 2. When you find yourself giving up hope of success, challenge your thoughts. Ask yourself, “What’s the evidence that I will fail?” If you merely *believe* that you’ll fail, that’s not good enough. If you failed in the past at a similar task, figure out what caused that to happen, and change the factors over which you have some control. 3. Ask yourself, “What’s the worst thing that can happen?” Then make a plan for this worst thing. As a result, you won’t be more discouraged. In fact, you’ll feel more hopeful and confident. Until next month, Pauline Wallin, Ph.D. http://www.innerbrat.com |
