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Welcome to this month's issue of the Inner Brat newsletter. What is
the inner brat? It's the seemingly irresistible, impulsive force inside
every one of us, that makes us say and do things we later regret. Bad
habits, problem tempers and other self-defeating behaviors and thoughts
are products of the inner brat.
A voice inside you screams, "I want it!" or "I can't stand it!" or "Why
me?!" Sound familiar? That's your inner brat. You can't get rid of
it completely, but you can learn to tame it.
This free monthly newsletter, written by a clinical psychologist with
over 28 years of experience, explains how the inner brat works, and
presents tips for putting you in charge of your inner brat.
To read past issues of this newsletter, visit
http://drwallin.com/newsletter/
NOTE: The inner brat is NOT a psychiatric diagnosis. If you are having
difficulty just getting through the day, this is more than just your
inner brat. In this case you are advised to consult a mental health
professional.
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Written and Published by:
Pauline Wallin, Ph.D.
Author, "Taming Your Inner Brat: A Guide to Transforming Self-defeating
Behavior"
http://www.innerbrat.com
Copyright 2003 Pauline Wallin. All rights reserved.
**************************************************
Welcome to the March, 2004 issue of the Inner Brat Newsletter.
Welcome,
new readers. If you enjoy this newsletter, please forward it to your
friends and encourage them to subscribe. All they need to do is to send
a blank email message to innerbrat-subscribe@topica.com.
If you have comments or questions, feel free to email me at
.
IN THIS ISSUE
> Misperceptions about anger
> Inner brats in the news
> How have you tamed your own inner brat?
> Inner brat tip of the month: Express anger constructively
> Distribution information
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the newsletter free of cost to you.
********************************
Misperceptions about anger
********************************
In the past few weeks I’ve had several calls from magazine and
newspaper
journalists who are writing on the topic of anger management. Not sure
why this is, but I do hope it reflects a growing trend in taking
personal responsibility for self-control.
From the questions asked by the journalists I noticed some common
MISPERCEPTIONS about anger:
1. That all anger is unhealthy or destructive
2. That anger is an all-or-nothing phenomenon
3. If you don’t let your anger out, it builds up and explodes out
4. That angry people yell and scream a lot
5. That anger management means keeping your mouth shut
===> Here are the facts:
1. NOT ALL ANGER IS UNHEALTHY OR DESTRUCTIVE.
Sometimes anger is definitely justified. For example, if you have been
betrayed by a friend, or if you have been physically attacked by
someone, or if there is a major social injustice -- these are all times
where anger is appropriate. Biologically speaking, anger gets your
adrenalin going, and spurs you into action.
On the other hand, the hissy fits that people throw over minor
irritations are both unhealthy and destructive. Anger has serious
implications for your health. Research shows that among all the risk
factors for heart disease, chronic anger is the most significant
predictor -- more than smoking, obesity and high blood pressure.
Temper
tantrums and other fits of anger are rarely useful. In fact, they
erode
not only people’s respect for you, but also your own self-respect.
2. ANGER IS NOT AN ALL-OR-NOTHING PHENOMENON.
Anger typically occurs in degrees, ranging from mild annoyance to
intense rage. Some people have a problem labeling negative feelings.
They consider any experience of hostility as an intense, urgent crisis,
even if it’s just a momentary frustration. Such people tend to have an
over-active inner brat that makes mountains out of molehills.
3. IT IS NOT ALWAYS NECESSARY TO LET YOUR ANGER OUT.
Anger does not work like steam in a teakettle. It is not necessary to
release it in order to avoid explosion. While it’s true your stress
level does increase when you dwell on angry thoughts, you can reduce
the
stress without having to resort to an outburst or tirade.
4. NOT ALL ANGRY PEOPLE YELL OR SCREAM
In fact, many people keep their anger to themselves, or so they think.
Even though they don’t come right out and say, “I’m mad at you,” they
show it in their behavior -- by being “passive aggressive.” They sulk;
they have a “tone” to their voice; they slam doors, etc. Such people
have an inner brat that I call “The Smolderer.” You kind of know
they’re angry, but you don’t know exactly what they’re angry about.
5. ANGER MANAGEMENT DOES NOT MEAN KEEPING YOUR MOUTH SHUT.
Anger management involves keeping your inner brat from saying or doing
something that you’ll later regret. It involves calming yourself,
making cool-headed assessments of the situation, and finally taking
sensible action. With practice, this can be accomplished in a matter
of
seconds.
People who manage their anger effectively have learned to differentiate
what is truly a situation worth getting angry about, and what is just
their inner brat over-reacting. They also have learned to express
their
anger in a constructive way that gets results.
For some tips on how to express justifiable anger constructively,
without getting your inner brat into it, see my Inner Brat Tip of the
Month below.
############################################
Is your inner brat an Eruptor? a Smolderer? or perhaps an
Exhibitionist?
Learn more about your inner brat’s unique personality in my book,
"Taming Your Inner Brat: A Guide to Transforming Self-defeating
Behavior,"
There are 4 ways to buy this book:
~Visit your local bookstore
~Order online from my web site, http://www.innerbrat.com
~click here to go to Amazon.com: http://shorterlink.com/?I5P5U1
-You can also order by telephone directly from the publisher (503)
531-8700. Ask for the "Friends and family" rate to receive a discount.
#############################################
*****************************
Inner Brats in the News
*****************************
In South Carolina a man is suing Burger King because a chicken burger
burned his mouth, causing "physical disability". He claims that the
fast
food chain should warn customers about hot food.
=========================================================
Todd Bertuzzi, a hockey player with the Vancouver Canucks, was
suspended
for the rest of the season after viciously attacking a player from an
opposing team during the game. The other player suffered lacerations,
a
concussion and two broken vertebrae after Bertuzzi knocked him down
from
behind and pummeled him repeatedly. Bertuzzi later publicly apologized
to the player, saying, "I had no intention of hurting you." The team
manager, who disagreed with the hockey league's decision to suspend
Bertuzzi, described him as a "quality hockey player who made a
mistake."
=========================================================
After picking up his 11-year-old son for weekend visitation, a divorced
dad in Texas stopped at a bar with the boy. He got so drunk that he
couldn't drive, so he handed the keys to his son, who could barely see
over the steering wheel. Fortunately they didn’t get very far before
being stopped by police, who noticed the car weaving around.
For more stories about brats in the news visit my website
http://www.drwallin.com/news.shtml
**************************************
How have you tamed your own inner brat?
**************************************
Read stories of people who are working on taming their inner brats.
Contribute your own story. You can remain anonymous. Go to:
http://www.drwallin.com/innerbrat_contrib.shtml
********************************************************
Inner Brat tip of the month: Express anger constructively
********************************************************
Have you felt used, betrayed or attacked? Just because the other person
is being a brat, doesn’t mean that you have to be.
Forget yelling and screaming. That only intensifies your anger.
Besides, yelling and screaming allows your inner brat to control you,
such that you’ll probably say something you’ll later regret.
Do this instead:
1. Take 4 deep breaths. This will help you relax and focus at the
same
time.
2. In a firm voice, and while making eye contact, announce your
feelings and what you’re angry about. For example: “I am really upset
that you went and told people what I had said to you in confidence.”
3. If the other person has an explanation, listen. Don’t interrupt,
at
least at first. If the explanation turns out to be an excuse or a
counter-attack, take charge and don’t let the person change the
subject.
4. Tell the person what you expect him or her to do: “I expect you to
apologize and to assure me that this will not happen again.”
5. Disengage yourself from the confrontation and find something to do
to distract you from replaying the incident in your mind. At this
point
you probably won’t be over your anger, but your stress level will be
much less.
Until next month,
Pauline Wallin, Ph.D.
http://www.innerbrat.com
DISTRIBUTION INFORMATION: This newsletter may be quoted, reprinted, or
forwarded to others as long as the content is not changed and the
subscription, copyright, and contact information is included. If you would
like to post this newsletter on a website, please contact me for
permission at
NOTE: The content in this newsletter is for informational purposes
only. It is not intended as a substitute for personal consultation with a
professional, or as any type of psychological service.
Copyright 2003 Pauline Wallin. All rights reserved.
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