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Welcome to this month's issue of the Inner Brat newsletter. What is
the inner brat? It's the seemingly irresistible, impulsive force inside
every one of us, that makes us say and do things we later regret. Bad
habits, problem tempers and other self-defeating behaviors and thoughts
are products of the inner brat.
A voice inside you screams, "I want it!" or "I can't stand it!" or "Why
me?!" Sound familiar? That's your inner brat. You can't get rid of
it completely, but you can learn to tame it.
This free monthly newsletter, written by a clinical psychologist with
over 28 years of experience, explains how the inner brat works, and
presents tips for putting you in charge of your inner brat.
To read past issues of this newsletter, visit
http://drwallin.com/newsletter/
NOTE: The inner brat is NOT a psychiatric diagnosis. If you are having
difficulty just getting through the day, this is more than just your
inner brat. In this case you are advised to consult a mental health
professional.
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Written and Published by:
Pauline Wallin, Ph.D.
Author, "Taming Your Inner Brat: A Guide to Transforming Self-defeating
Behavior"
http://www.innerbrat.com
Copyright 2003 Pauline Wallin. All rights reserved.
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Welcome to the January, 2004 issue of the Inner Brat Newsletter.
Welcome, new readers. If you enjoy this newsletter, please forward it
to your friends and encourage them to subscribe. All they need to do is
to send a blank email message to innerbrat-subscribe@topica.com.
If you have comments or questions, feel free to email me at
.
IN THIS ISSUE
> Is it enough to say "I'm sorry?"
> Inner brats in the news
> How have you tamed your own inner brat?
> Inner brat tip of the month: New Year’s resolutions fizzled?
> Distribution information
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the newsletter free of cost to you.
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Is it enough to say "I'm sorry?"
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"I'm sorry." These words were spoken by two prominent people last
week.
Former baseball star Pete Rose finally admitted, after 14 years of
indignant denial, that he had repeatedly placed illegal bets on the
team
that he managed.
He announced, "I'm sorry it happened, and I'm sorry for all the people,
fans and family that it hurt. Let's move on."
Note that he said he was sorry that "it" happened, and for the people
that "it" hurt. Such phrasing minimizes his responsibility. What’s
more, he blamed it on Attention Deficit Disorder and Oppositional
Defiant Disorder, which he inherited from his mother.
Governor John Rowland of Connecticut was more contrite. He confessed
that he had not only accepted illegal gifts from his political
appointees, but that he had also lied about it. Under pressure to
resign, he appealed to a TV audience for forgiveness and a chance to
finish out his term.
When public opinion polls indicated that a growing number of voters
wanted him to leave office, the governor said impatiently, "I've made
mistakes; I've apologized for those mistakes; I've taken responsibility
for those mistakes. Now, it's time to govern to get back to work."
Colleagues of Rose and Rowland, as well as the majority of the public
who followed these stories, were unforgiving. They were angry about
being lied to, but that was not their main complaint.
What turned them off were the two men’s attitudes. Both Rose and
Rowland seemed unrepentant and insincere. They seemed to expect that
because they admitted their guilt, they were entitled to have the slate
wiped clean and to “move on.” Furthermore, they both were indignant
that the public did not instantly forgive them.
Such assumptions are typical of the inner brat. Like a small child,
the
inner brat just wants the unpleasantness to go away, with little or no
effort. Just say “I’m sorry” and everyone will love you again.
You know people with these inner brats (maybe even your own inner
brat!). They are the ones who protest, "I said I was sorry! Isn't
that
enough already? I can't do any more!"
Psychotherapist and author, Beverly Engle, outlines three necessary
elements in making a meaningful apology:
1. Regret: You openly acknowledge that what you said or did caused harm
or injustice.
2. Responsibility: You accept total responsibility without making
excuses.
3. Remedy: You offer restitution or a promise to take specific action
so
that your transgression won’t be repeated.
Pete Rose stopped at Step 1. Governor Rowland barely made it to Step
2.
Neither showed any effort to make amends. Had they gone through all
three steps, their apologies would have been far more effective.
Next time you find yourself in a situation where you need to say “I’m
sorry,” keep these three steps in mind. Don’t let your inner brat
stand
in the way of making an apology that invites forgiveness.
############################################
Do you ever wonder why it’s only some people or situations that get you
so upset? The answer involves “emotional triggers.” Find out more
about emotional triggers in my book, "Taming Your Inner Brat: A Guide
to
Transforming Self-defeating Behavior."
There are 4 ways to get this book:
~Visit your local bookstore
~Order online from my web site, http://www.innerbrat.com
~click here to go to Amazon.com: http://shorterlink.com/?I5P5U1
-You can also order by telephone directly from the publisher (503)
531-8700. Ask for the "Friends and family" rate to receive a discount.
#############################################
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Inner Brats in the News
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A 23-year-old woman was sentenced to three years in prison for stealing
mail from the college mailroom in which she worked while she was a
student. The bulk of the mail she stole was credit cards, which she
used to run up over $150,000 in fraudulent charges. Her college major:
Criminal justice.
=========================================================
A couple, whose dachshund was injured while jumping for a supermarket
leaflet in their mailbox, is suing the supermarket for $3500 to cover
the cost of the dog's surgery. The couple claims that they had a sign
posted at their home that they didn't want advertising circulars.
Therefore the supermarket is to blame for their dog's injuries.
=========================================================
A dentist ripped out the crown he had just placed on a patient's tooth
when he thought that the woman owed him $2,000. His assistant told him
that he had misread the account, and that the woman was paid up. The
dentist replaced the crown, but stormed out of the room.
For more stories about brats in the news visit my website
http://www.drwallin.com/news.shtml
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How have you tamed your own inner brat?
**************************************
Read stories of people who are working on taming their inner brats.
Contribute your own story. You can remain anonymous. Go to:
http://www.drwallin.com/innerbrat_contrib.shtml
************************************************************
Inner brat tip of the month: New Year’s resolutions fizzled?
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It’s about that time of year when your inner brat is trying to sabotage
your New Year’s resolutions. If you resolved to lose weight, you may
be
experiencing hunger pangs. If you decided to save money, it’s hard to
pass up all those after-Christmas sales. If you have given up smoking,
you might have both physical and psychological cravings. Here are some
tips to help you stay on track:
1. Those hunger pangs, cravings and desires can be overwhelming -
UNLESS you give them a different meaning. Instead of thinking of them
as torture, remind yourself that this is what you’re supposed to feel
like. These symptoms mean that your mind and body are making positive
adjustments.
2. Your inner brat focuses on what you can’t have or what you can’t
do.
Take away its power by paying attention to the reasons why you’re
making changes in your life, and what the long-term benefit will be.
3. Don’t allow your inner brat’s whining to convince you to give up
your resolve. This time it’s not going to tell you what to do or what
not to do.
4. Never negotiate with your inner brat. That only gives it the
opportunity to talk you into sleeping through your morning exercise
time, or buying a bag of cookies just in case unexpected company drops
by. Stick with what you decided to do (or not do) REGARDLESS OF HOW
YOU
FEEL.
5. Focus on the behavioral change itself, rather than on the ultimate
endpoint. You won’t lose 10 lb. in a day but you can feel better about
yourself within a few hours, just by virtue of staying with your
program. What you do today will determine how well you respect
yourself
in the morning.
Until next month,
Pauline Wallin, Ph.D.
http://www.innerbrat.com
DISTRIBUTION INFORMATION: This newsletter may be quoted, reprinted, or
forwarded to others as long as the content is not changed and the
subscription, copyright, and contact information is included. If you would
like to post this newsletter on a website, please contact me for
permission at
NOTE: The content in this newsletter is for informational purposes
only. It is not intended as a substitute for personal consultation with a
professional, or as any type of psychological service.
Copyright 2003 Pauline Wallin. All rights reserved.
