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Welcome to the August 2003 issue of the Inner Brat Newsletter. Welcome, new readers. If you enjoy this newsletter, please forward it to your friends and encourage them to subscribe. All they need to do is to send a blank email message to innerbrat-subscribe@topica.com.
If you have comments or questions, feel free to email me at .
IN THIS ISSUE
> Why is everyone else more "bratty" than me?
> Inner brats in the news
> How have you tamed your own inner brat?
> Inner brat tip of the month: Back-to-school shopping
> Distribution information
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Why is everyone else more "bratty" than me?
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It's happened to us all. We trip or stumble on the sidewalk. Looking around for the cause, we observe that the pavement is uneven. "Ah, that explains it," we declare. "The bump in the sidewalk made me trip."
But what happens when someone else stumbles? Almost immediately we start labeling the person. "What a klutz," we might think, or "He should watch where he's going!"
Notice how we account for our own mistakes in terms of the situation; but we attribute other people's mistakes to their personality or to flaws in their character.
Comedian George Carlin summed it up in his observation, "Have your ever noticed? Anyone going slower than you is an idiot. Anyone going faster than you is a maniac."
Here's another example. Suppose your spouse or roommate asked you to pick up some milk on the way home, and you forgot. You'd probably explain your forgetting in situational terms, e.g., that it was a busy day or that more important things were demanding your attention.
Now suppose the tables were turned, and it was the other person who forgot to buy milk. Quite likely you would view this lapse as a reflection of their personality; e.g., that the other person is inconsiderate, insensitive or perhaps just plain stupid.
This discrepancy in how we explain our own actions, as opposed to those of others is called the "fundamental attribution error."
Psychologists have been studying this phenomenon for several decades. It occurs because when we watch other people, we notice their behavior more than their situation. Conversely, when observing ourselves we are more attuned to the situation than to our own behavior.
The attribution error is less pronounced in China and other countries where the group is viewed as more important than the individual. In those countries, people tend to attribute both their own and other people's behavior to situational factors rather than to a person's character traits. (BTW, my book, "Taming Your Inner Brat: A Guide for Transforming Self-defeating Behavior" has been translated into Chinese and Japanese.)
The tendency to view one's own blunders as situational is a perfect vehicle for the inner brat. When you look to the circumstances to explain what went wrong, you are more apt to assign blame. It's always something or someone else's fault . . . or at least, that's what your inner brat would like you to believe.
How do you know if you are making too many of these attribution errors? Ask yourself if any of the following apply to you:
-- You are in the habit of judging others
-- People describe you as critical
-- You make excuses for your own mistakes
-- You feel like a victim much of the time
-- When something goes wrong you blame other people
-- You walk around feeling angry or resentful
-- You have contempt for others, for no particular reason
If you recognize yourself in two or more points in the above list, your inner brat needs to be tamed. The first step is being aware of how your inner brat distorts reality, exaggerating other people's faults, while minimizing your own.
Your next task is to override that inner brat. Next time you find yourself labeling someone else in a negative way, see if you can look to the situation and find an alternative explanation for the person's behavior.
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In my book, "Taming Your Inner Brat: A Guide to Transforming Self-defeating Behavior," you can read more about how your inner brat uses misattributions and how this makes you feel less in control of your life.
There are 4 ways to buy this book:
~Visit your local bookstore
~Order online from my web site, http://www.innerbrat.com
~click here to go to Amazon.com: http://shorterlink.com/?I5P5U1
-You can also order by telephone directly from the publisher (503) 531-8700. Ask for the "Friends and family" rate to receive a discount.
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Inner Brats in the News
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An appellate court in the UK rejected a claim by a man who had been paralyzed in a diving accident. The man acknowledged that there were warning signs posted at the lake in which he chose to dive, but he argued that park officials should have taken more stringent measures to prevent him from swimming.
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90% of respondents to a motor magazine survey said that they had been victims of road rage at least once. 70% admitted they had committed road rage, and most of them claimed that the victims deserved it.
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A woman in Cameroon has been sentenced to death for injecting two of her lover's children with HIV- and hepatitis-contaminated blood. The woman, who is a nurse, confessed that she went to the school and told the children she was there to immunize them. She admits she was seeking revenge on their father because he broke his promise to marry her.
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For more stories about brats in the news visit my website
http://www.drwallin.com/news.shtml
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How have you tamed your own inner brat?
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Read stories of people who are working on taming their inner brats. Contribute your own story. You can remain anonymous. Go to: http://www.drwallin.com/innerbrat_contrib.shtml
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Inner brat tip of the month: Back-to-school shopping
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It's almost time for the kids to go back to school. If you're a parent or grandparent, you may be feeling the financial strain. If your children are demanding more than you can afford to spend, don't feel guilty.
It turns out that it is better for you and your wallet when kids DON'T get everything they want.
Buy necessities, and space purchases of “extras” over the next few months. Not only will your kids appreciate these things more, but research shows that children who learn to wait for things, develop "emotional intelligence" which is important for long-term success in life.
Until next month,
Pauline Wallin, Ph.D.
http://www.innerbrat.com
