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Welcome to the July, 2003 issue of the Inner Brat Newsletter. Welcome, new readers. If you enjoy this newsletter, please forward it to your friends and encourage them to subscribe. All they need to do is to send a blank email message to innerbrat-subscribe@topica.com.
If you have comments or questions, feel free to email me at .
IN THIS ISSUE
> Household chores and your inner brat
> Inner brats in the news
> How have you tamed your own inner brat?
> Inner brat joke of the month
> Inner brat tip of the month: A new attitude toward chores
> Distribution information
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Your inner brat and household chores
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My husband likes to do dishes. That always seemed kind of weird to me, since I'm a person who views chores as activities of last resort. "Not weird at all," he argues. It's a finite job with a satisfying result."
Guess which one of us finishes chores first? Not me. . . ;-) My inner brat is too busy complaining about the boring drudgery and finding excuses to procrastinate. By the time I'm done negotiating with my inner brat whether to pay bills now or tomorrow (or this weekend), my husband is done with his tasks, and can sit down and relax.
And moi? I'm better than I used to be, but if I don't curb my inner brat at the getgo, my chores take at least twice as long as they need to, what with dawdling and distractions and all.
I know I'm not alone. Given that there are hundreds of books about making routine tasks less tedious and more efficient, this means that there are probably millions of people who struggle with their inner brats when it comes to chores. If you're one of these people, you may have frequent conversations with your inner brat, similar to the following:
You: "Time to vacuum"
Inner brat: "No. I don't want to."
You: "Look at this place. It's a mess!"
Inner brat: "First I have to check my email."
You: "OK, hurry up and check your email; then get out the vacuum cleaner."
. . . 3 hours later . . .
You: "Rats! It's 11:00 p.m."
Inner brat: "Yes, much too late to start cleaning now."
You: "I suppose. But tomorrow for sure . . ."
In the above interchange, the inner brat has used a variety of tactics: outright refusal (which didn't work), procrastination, and rationalization. When you do finally get to the vacuuming, your inner brat may additionally whine and complain, turning a simple task into a major ordeal.
Did you ever wonder why it takes you so long to get around to certain chores? I'm not referring to physically difficult or mentally challenging tasks; just those that are inconvenient or bothersome. These are the jobs that the inner brat just doesn't feel like doing, so it comes up with excuses to distract you, or it makes promises to do the work later. Based on your inner brat's track record, do you honestly believe those excuses and promises?
Research shows that avoiding responsibilities is a self-reinforcing, self-perpetuating cycle. This means that every time you give yourself a reason to not do what you know you should do, you are increasing the probability that you'll avoid tasks in the future. It almost assures you a cycle of resistance, last-minute rushing, and feelings of guilt or regret for not having taken care of the task earlier.
But you can reverse this pattern by recognizing your inner brat's manipulations and taking charge. You're probably already doing this in certain circumstances.
For example, when you're expecting visitors, you may fly into a flurry of tidying up clutter that has been sitting for weeks or months. Or, when the grass has grown so high in your yard that it's grazing your knees, you suddenly find time and energy to mow, even though your inner brat doesn't feel like doing so. And what about the burned-out light bulb that needs replacing? Somehow you never find the time to do it until you really need the light to find something.
At such times you KNOW you have to get the job done. Even if your inner brat whines or protests, you just don't pay attention to it. This proves that you do have the discipline. You just need to apply it earlier on in the sequence of events leading up to actually doing the task.
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In my book, "Taming Your Inner Brat: A Guide to Transforming Self-defeating Behavior," you can read more about your outsmart your inner brat’s tricks and manipulations.
There are 4 ways to buy this book:
~Visit your local bookstore
~Order online from my web site, http://www.innerbrat.com
~click here to go to Amazon.com: http://shorterlink.com/?I5P5U1
-You can also order by telephone directly from the publisher (503) 531-8700. Ask for the "Friends and family" rate to receive a discount.
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Inner Brats in the News
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A woman who was brought the wrong baby for breastfeeding (on one occasion) after giving birth two years ago is suing the hospital for damages, including fear of contracting diseases and severe emotional distress. According to the hospital medical tests were subsequently administered and were negative. The woman claims that as a result of the hospital's mistake she has been unable to have a normal relationship with her child, and that the child is developmentally disabled because of this.
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A man who was running late for his America West flight, tried to delay its departure by calling the airline and announcing there was a bomb on board. All passengers had to be evacuated and the plane had to be thoroughly searched. The man was arrested when he approached the ticket counter to board.
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After his girlfriend beat him in an arm-wrestling contest and called him a wimp, a 44-year-old man dragged her outside by the hair, knocked her to the ground and punched her in the head. Both had been drinking. The man was charged with assault.
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For more stories about brats in the news visit my website
http://www.drwallin.com/news.shtml
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How have you tamed your own inner brat?
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Read stories of people who are working on taming their inner brats. Contribute your own story. You can remain anonymous. Go to: http://www.drwallin.com/innerbrat_contrib.shtml
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Inner Brat Joke of the Month
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When it comes to chores, it’s always easier to see someone else’s shortcomings than your own. The following anecdote illustrates what might happen if you’re too eager to give someone advice about doing things more efficiently:
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"The efficiency expert concluded his lecture with a note of caution. "You don't want to try these techniques at home."
"Why not?" asked somebody from the audience.
"I watched my wife's routine at breakfast for years," the expert explained. "She made lots of trips between the refrigerator, stove, table and cabinets, often carrying a single item at a time. One day I told her, 'Hon, why don't you try carrying several things at once?'"
"Did it save time?" the guy in the audience asked.
"In a way," replied the expert. "It used to take her 20 minutes to make breakfast. Now I do it in seven."
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Inner brat tip of the month: A new attitude toward chores
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If you allow your inner brat to make decisions about chores, you will end up chronically disappointed in yourself. Here are some ways to overcome your inner brat’s whining and complaining:
1. Don’t negotiate with your inner brat. If you do, your inner brat will win at the procrastination game. Make a commitment to your task with the idea that it is like an appointment that you keep with yourself.
2. As you think about the task, focus on how things will look and on how you will feel when it’s done. This will greatly reduce your inner brat’s power over you.
3. Welcome your inner brat’s resistance as a challenge. Are you going to let it win? Or will you just get up and do the dishes and get them over with?
4. While doing the task, do not give in to distractions. This will only prolong the job and encourage procrastination next time. If, for example, during the course of tidying up, you find something interesting to read, don’t stop to read it. Put it in a designated place for reading later.
5. Pay attention to how you talk to yourself while doing the chore. If you’re saying things such as, “I hate this!” you are just reinforcing your inner brat. Change those statements to more neutral ones, e.g., “OK, it’s not the most fun job in the world, but I can think of lots worse ones.”
6. Make the task into a game, or find something interesting about it. For example, while cleaning out a closet, challenge yourself to end up with at least “X” number of items in the discard pile.
7. Keep score of the number of times you override your inner brat’s protests each day. This will help maintain your motivation.
Until next month,
Pauline Wallin, Ph.D.
http://www.innerbrat.com
