|
|
Welcome to the March, 2003 issue of the Inner Brat Newsletter. Welcome, new readers. If you enjoy this newsletter, please forward it to your friends and encourage them to subscribe. All they need to do is to send a blank email message to innerbrat-subscribe@topica.com.
If you have comments or questions, feel free to email me at .
IN THIS ISSUE
> Announcement: See me on TV March 19
> Lent, your inner brat, and your inner strength
> Inner brats in the news
> How have you tamed your own inner brat?
> Inner brat tip of the month:
> Inner brat joke of the month
> Distribution information
This newsletter is hosted by Topica.com. Topica may include advertisements for unrelated products. I have no control over these ads, but they do help pay for the expenses of distribution, which keeps the newsletter free of cost to you.
****************************
Announcement: See me on TV
****************************
If you want to see what I look like and sound like, here’s your chance.
A few weeks ago CBS taped a segment with me on the topic of in-law relationships. It is scheduled to air on The Early Show (CBS) on Wednesday, March 19. The show runs from 7:00 to 9:00 a.m. EST. If you are in a different time zone, check your TV listings. I’m not sure exactly what time the segment will appear, but these types of stories are not usually at the very beginning of the hour.
When you watch, keep in mind that I was talking to an empty chair. The guy who was supposed to interview me was stuck in an airport, and asked me questions via speakerphone. They said they’d make it look natural.
***********************************************
Lent, your inner brat, and your inner strength
***********************************************
Lent is in full swing. I'm not Catholic, but I have many Catholic friends and clients who have shared their Lenten experiences with me. I find it interesting that so many people are not only willing, but also successful in "giving up" something they value for the 40 days of Lent, when at other times of year they can barely make it through a week of self-denial.
Even during Lent, the inner brat is still in the back of their minds, nagging them for cigarettes or chocolate or television or other worldly pleasures. In spite that, however, they do not succumb to the whining or rationalization of their inner brat. Why is that?
The reason that people seem able to ignore their inner brat during Lent is that they have made a conscious commitment to something bigger than their own desires. Abstinence during this period is part of a spiritual experience that includes repentance, fasting, prayer and works of love. And their abstinence is non-negotiable. That is, they don't ask themselves whether they feel like abstaining; they just do it.
You don't have to be Catholic to appreciate the sense of peace that comes with recognizing where you have faltered, with making amends, and with making personal sacrifices of your own free will. These thoughts and actions do sometimes cause discomfort, but when you have a higher purpose, you don't notice your inner brat's whining nearly so much.
Another aspect of self-denial during Lent is that there is lots of social support. When other people around you are sticking to the 40 days of abstinence (or at least you ASSUME they are) it is a little easier for you to do the same. And the reward is not only the satisfaction from your self-discipline, but also in the sense of cohesiveness that comes from belonging to a group with a common purpose.
So what does Lent have to do with the inner brat? It shows that it is possible to override the inner brat's manipulations that try to get you to give into temptation. It demonstrates that you can make amends and sacrifices without feeling deprived or victimized. Making a commitment to a higher purpose, as well as having group support, will relegate that pesky inner brat to a dim corner of your mind.
Catholicism is not the only religion that sets aside time for self-denial. Most other religions prescribe self-denial and self-discipline at various times of the year. I'm not going to venture into the theological explanations of these, but you don't even need to be religious to experience the sense of cleansing that comes from self-discipline.
If you are Catholic and successfully observing Lent, keep doing what you’re doing. There are some tips below for dealing with times when you struggle with your resolve.
If you are not Catholic, it’s no sin to practice self-discipline any time of year. ;-)
Try some self-discipline today, within the next hour or two:
-- Wait 30 minutes before getting that cup of coffee or tea that you just decided you wanted.
-- Complete a task that you've been procrastinating.
-- Forego your favorite snack today and tomorrow.
Notice how you feel when you override temptation, with an attitude that says, “I’m doing this of my own free will.”
############################################
In my book, "Taming Your Inner Brat: A Guide to Transforming Self-defeating Behavior," you can read more about how to control urges.
There are 4 ways to buy this book:
~Visit your local bookstore
~Order online from my web site, http://www.innerbrat.com
~Click here to go to Amazon.com: http://shorterlink.com/?I5P5U1
-You can also order by telephone directly from the publisher (503) 531-8700. Ask for the "Friends and family" rate to receive a discount.
#############################################
*****************************
Inner Brats in the News
*****************************
A man who was sentenced to three years in prison after a road rage incident, in which he grabbed a woman's dog out of her car and threw it into traffic, is now suing the woman for "mental pain and anguish, humiliation, embarrassment, fright and shock, and mortification." He claims that her statements to the media about him were defamatory.
=========================================================
A study from Tillinghast Towers Perrin reports that the cost of liability lawsuits in the US in 2001 was $205 billion, or $721 per U.S. citizen. This is a 14.3% increase over the previous year, and represents over 2% of the gross domestic product. To put this in perspective, over the last 50 years the GDP rose by a factor of 14, while the cost of the tort system increased over 100 times. 2002 data are not complete yet, but they show a continuing trend.
=========================================================
Two men who met in anger management class became friends and worked together on a remodeling project at the home of one of the men. When the homeowner found that his puppy was missing and that one of his pet chickens was dead, he became enraged. He attacked the other man with a knife, smashed his car windows and slashed his tires.
==========================================================
For more stories about brats in the news visit my website
http://www.drwallin.com/news.shtml
**************************************
How have you tamed your own inner brat?
**************************************
If you are Catholic and are observing Lent, I’d love to hear from you, and would appreciate your sharing your experiences with your inner brat during Lent. You can go to the website in the next paragraph, or else email me directly: mailto:innerbrat@innerbrat.com
Read stories of people who are working on taming their inner brats. Contribute your own story. You can remain anonymous. Go to: http://www.drwallin.com/innerbrat_contrib.shtml
*************************************************************
Inner brat tip of the month: New beginnings and self-discipline
*************************************************************
The season of spring signals new beginnings of all sorts. If you want to become more self-disciplined, here are some tips:
1. Self-discipline can be an ordeal, but only if you define it as such. The more you allow your inner brat to whine about what it can't have or what it can't do, you're going to feel the struggle. Instead, define self-discipline as a challenge or as a demonstration of the emotionally mature side of yourself.
2. Pick one area in which you will practice self-discipline. That's all you really need at first, and it's about as much as you can handle without getting too distracted. Once you've got that one part of your life under control, you can then decide if you want to take on another challenge.
3. Once you've decided what you're going to do (or what you're not going to do,) make it non-negotiable. Thus, for example, if you decided to not buy any clothes for a given period of time, that means that even if there's a big sale, the answer to your inner brat is "NO."
4. Schedule breaks from self-discipline. For instance, if you have decided to start exercising, schedule a day off. In this way, when you take a day off you don't feel guilty. But more important, it would be YOU and not your inner brat who decides when you do and when you don't exercise.
5. Make a connection between your self-discipline and a larger goal or purpose. For instance, you might decide to eat more healthfully because a healthier you is a gift to those who value your place in their lives.
6. Tell someone what you are doing to become more self-disciplined. This makes you more accountable. Then, when your inner brat tries to talk you out of it, you will be more likely to hold your ground and dismiss the inner brat.
********************************
Inner Brat Joke of the month
********************************
If you're offended by "Irish" jokes, sorry. But the following is an amusing example of how one's inner brat can provide a convenient excuse:
Paddy O'Rourke was a regular at the pub in Dublin. Every night he would order three pints of beer all at once. He would lift the first glass and declare, "This one is for me brother who moved to America,” and drink it down. Then he’d lift the second glass, saying, “This one is for me other brother who moved to Australia,” and guzzle that one. Finally he’d lift the third glass and announce, “And this one is for me.”
This went on for several months, until one day Paddy walked in and ordered only two beers. Assuming the worst, a hush fell among the other patrons.
When he returned to the bar to order his second round, the bartender quietly offered his condolences. “Which brother was it that died?” Paddy looked confused for a moment, and then explained, "No, everyone's fine. I gave up beer for Lent."
Until next month,
Pauline Wallin, Ph.D.
http://www.innerbrat.com
