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Welcome to the September, 2002 issue of the Inner Brat Newsletter. Welcome, new readers. If you enjoy this newsletter, please forward it to your friends and encourage them to subscribe.
If you have comments or questions, feel free to email me at .
IN THIS ISSUE
>Complaining, kvetching and your inner brat
>Inner brats in the news
>How have you tamed your own inner brat?
>Inner brat tip of the month: Cut down your inner brat's kvetching
>Distribution information
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Complaining, kvetching and your inner brat
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A recent cartoon by C. Lay depicts the personal journals of two teenage girls, each traveling cross-country with her parents. One of the girls is contemporary, traveling by plane; the other, in pioneer days, is in a wagon train. Their journals are set side by side, documenting the trials and tribulations that they face during their journey. The pioneer girl writes,
"A blizzard snowed us in for two months. We had to eat the dogs and horses." The modern girl complains, "They made us wait for like an hour after we landed! That's kidnapping!"
In another pair of frames, the pioneer girl laments that by the time they reached California the gold rush was over. The contemporary teen grumbles, "We got home so late I missed Friends!"
Guess which teen has the bigger inner brat? The pioneer girl had plenty to complain about. The contemporary girl's laments fall into the category of "kvetching" which is a Yiddish term for free-form whining.
It's quite obvious that the threshold for complaining has been lowered and lowered, to the point where the inner brat is given free reign to kvetch. These days it doesn't take much to elicit a gripe.
Statistics reflect this. For example, consider litigation data: From 1930 to 1994 U.S. personal injury and malpractice awards have grown almost 4 times faster than the rate of growth of the U.S. economy. The total cost in the year 2000 was $200 billion, and is expected to climb to $298 billion by 2005. That's 2.4% of the Gross Domestic Product!
Statistics on road rage and air rage also reflect this trend of an increasingly complaining culture. And what about the rise in the number of complaints and aggressive incidents by parents of kids on the sports field? It's become so bad that some cities have had to establish new laws and regulations to control such behavior.
Why is there so much complaining? The answer is complex and involves many factors, but in psychological terms the explanation boils down to "reinforcement," a form of reward. When complaining is rewarded, it tends to continue. The reward often comes in the form of attention, as in the old saying about the squeaky wheel getting the grease.
Did you know that too much attention could keep a person sick? Research shows that when a sick or disabled person receives a great deal of attention over a prolonged period of time, this person takes longer to recover. If the person also receives financial compensation, as in the case of disability payments, recovery can be prolonged even further.
When people read of others who receive big jury awards for minimal injury, or when their families and friends encourage them to seek retribution, their complaints not only feel justified, but they are also reinforced. These complaints can get blown out of proportion until they seem to achieve a life of their own.
The inner brat thrives on complaining because that is the only way it knows to try to rid itself of discomfort. It is so focused on immediate discomfort or inconvenience that it can't see a way to resolve it - much like a 2-year-old who can't stand it when different foods on his plate are "touching" each other.
If you allow your inner brat to dwell on what's wrong, not only are you at risk for making mountains out of molehills, but you may also fail to notice the solutions right under your nose.
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In my new book, "Taming Your Inner Brat: A Guide to Transforming Self-defeating Behavior," you can read more about how your inner brat messes up your life.
There are 4 ways to buy this book:
~Visit your local bookstore
~Order online from my web site, http://www.innerbrat.com
~click here:
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/1582700508/qid%3D1015021163/sr%3D8-1/ ref%3Dsr%5F8%5F67%5F1/002-3648041-9748811 (if this link doesn't seem to work, highlight the whole link, including the part that wraps to the next line; then copy it and paste it to your browser URL window.)
~Order by telephone directly from the publisher toll-free: 800-284-9673
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Inner Brats in the News
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The Vancouver Area Network of Drug Users, which includes prostitutes, drug users and homeless people, has sent letters to 30 film production companies, demanding compensation for lost income, which resulted when film crews closed off streets. The letters state, "Sex trade workers must be compensated for displacement they experience at your hands in the same manner you would compensate a business if you were to use their locale during operating hours." The association also demands compensation for lost income by panhandlers, for displacement of homeless people from doorways and under bridges, and for drug abusers who are forced out of the neighborhood park.
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Of all the organized softball leagues in New York, the Central Park Lawyers softball League is the most cutthroat and litigious, says journalist Colin Miner. When players have disputes or disagree with an umpire's call they file quasi-legal briefs, sometimes creating a mountain of paperwork from arguments and counter-arguments.
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For more stories about brats in the news visit my website
http://www.drwallin.com/news.shtml
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How have you tamed your own inner brat?
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Read stories of people who are working on taming their inner brats. Contribute your own story. You can remain anonymous. Go to: http://www.drwallin.com/innerbrat_contrib.shtml
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Inner Brat Tip of the Month: Cut down your inner brat's kvetching
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Complaining drains you of energy and creates a negative attitude that affects you and everyone around you. Here are some tips to stop your inner brat from bringing you down with its kvetching:
1. Know the difference between mild social complaining, e.g., complaining about the weather, and prolonged irritability. The latter is what you have to watch out for.
2. If you find yourself complaining about many little things, chances are that it's not the little things that are the problem. It's some form of dissatisfaction or negative mood state within yourself. Think about what you're REALLY upset about. Was it something to do with feeling personal failure or rejection?
3. If someone close to you complains incessantly, don't bother trying to appease that person. No matter what you do, they probably won't be satisfied anyway. Their inner brat won't give up so easily. Instead, you might try asking the person if there is anything you can do. This will disarm their inner brat.
4. Put your problems in perspective. Many of life's irritations are temporary and trivial. We realized this last Sept. 11 and are reminded of it once again this year.
5. Pretend you have a dollar's worth of energy to spend each day. When confronted with something unpleasant or frustrating, ask yourself whether it's worth dwelling on this and spending 50, 60 or 70 cents of your energy on that one problem.
6. Divert your attention to solutions. Instead of dwelling on obstacles or on what you cannot do, ask yourself, "What are my options?" Your options may indeed be limited, but in most cases there is some action you can take or some decision you can make. Even if there is nothing you can do at the moment, you can follow the advice of poet Maya Angelou who wrote, "If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude. Don't complain."
Until next month,
Pauline Wallin, Ph.D.
http://www.innerbrat.com
