|
|
Welcome to the July, 2002 issue of the Inner Brat Newsletter. Welcome, new readers.
If you have comments or questions, feel free to email me at .
IN THIS ISSUE
>How your inner brat manipulates you by seeming logical
>Inner brats in the news
>How have you tamed your own inner brat?
>Inner brat tip of the month: How to enjoy your summer vacation
>Distribution information
****************************************************
How your inner brat manipulates you by seeming logical ****************************************************
The inner brat is that force within us which is self-centered and impulsive. It wants what it wants when it wants it, and will do whatever it takes to satisfy its own desires.
As you have probably figured out from all the people around you, brats come in many shapes and sizes. One person's inner brat is different from another person's inner brat. But did you know that each person's inner brat (including your own) wears many disguises? One minute it might be a whiny, petulant child. The next minute it could morph into a debate adversary or a smooth-talking salesman.
It's easy to spot the inner brat that whines and nags -- like the nagging voice in the back of your mind that demands that cookie or that cigarette or that drink.
But even if you resist these naggings, watch out - your inner brat will try a different tactic. It will often use what appears to be logic. For example, suppose you've already told your inner brat, "No, it's not an option. I'm not going to have that cigarette." It might then try to lure you by saying, "Come one, you've had such a hard day. You've earned this little treat." (If cigarettes are not your weakness you can substitute food, alcohol, shopping, video and computer games in the above statement.)
Here's where it gets dicey. Let's say you don't give in, even when your inner brat tries to make it sound OK. It then adopts a technique used by door-to-door salesmen of many years ago: the foot-in-the-door technique. Back then if a salesman got you to open the door, he put his foot in the way so you couldn't easily slam the door shut. Of course then you would have to listen to him. And the longer you listened, the greater the probability that you would buy something.
Similarly, the more you listen to your inner brat, the more likely it is that you will give in. And, just like the old door-to-door Fuller Brush Man, the inner brat wants you to have just a sample, knowing full well that you will eventually go for the whole thing. Thus, it might try to convince you that you just need a couple of drags from a cigarette; or that you're going to eat just half a cookie; or play just one video game; or just go to the mall to look around but not buy anything.
As soon as you give in to the initial rationalization, momentum will keep you going. Once you take two puffs of a cigarette, are you really going to put it down? What if you see something you like at the mall AND it's on sale--are you really going to pass it by? Do you know anyone who eats only half a cookie and leaves the other half? There is an old joke that one piece of chocolate contains just enough energy to enable you to reach for one more piece.
Instant gratification is the goal of the inner brat. It will try to manipulate you into satisfying that goal. With practice, you can learn to recognize the manipulations for what they are, and to resist them. If you don't allow your inner brat to get its "foot in the door" it will be much easier to control your urges.
############################################
In my new book, "Taming Your Inner Brat: A Guide to Transforming Self-defeating Behavior," I describe in detail 8 different personae that your inner brat might assume. Learn how your inner brat exploits your vulnerability.
There are 3 ways to buy this book:
~Visit your local bookstore
~Order online from my web site, http://www.innerbrat.com, or click here:
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/1582700508/qid%3D1015021163/sr%3D8-1/ ref%3Dsr%5F8%5F67%5F1/002-3648041-9748811 (if this link doesn't seem to work, highlight the whole link, including the part that wraps to the next line; then copy it and paste it to your browser URL window.)
~Order by telephone directly from the publisher toll-free: 800-284-9673
#############################################
*****************************
Inner Brats in the News
*****************************
Baseball season is in full swing (pun intended) and major league players and owners in the U.S. are already anticipating contract renewals this fall. There is talk of another strike. The negotiations focus, of course, on money. One of the terms indirectly puts a cap on players' salaries. With current average salaries of $2.38 million, it's hard to sympathize. Next, many of the players don't want to be subject to drug testing. It's apparent that they feel entitled to obscene salaries and to not having to be accountable. Team owners aren't exempt from brattiness either. They get cities to build stadiums at taxpayers' expense, then charge an arm and a leg for admission, not to mention food and drink. They claim that these high prices are necessary because they have to pay players' salaries. Players and owners each blame the other for being greedy, but neither side is willing to give up any dollars. After all. . . . in their eyes, they've EARNED it!
=====================================================
Mark your calendar. On July 15 Lifetime TV, in collaboration with the National Alliance on Youth Sports, will present "Crossing the Line," a two-hour movie focused on overly competitive parents who lose control while watching their children play sports. The movie will be repeated on July 24, July 27 and August 11.
======================================================
For more stories about brats in the news visit my website http://www.drwallin.com/news.shtml
**************************************
How have you tamed your own inner brat?
**************************************
Read stories of people who are working on taming their inner brats. Contribute your own story. You can remain anonymous. Go to: http://www.drwallin.com/innerbrat_contrib.shtml
***********************************************************
Inner brat tip of the month: How to enjoy your summer vacation
************************************************************
People look forward to summer vacation all year, but when the time actually comes, they are often disappointed or frustrated: long lines, traffic delays, accommodations and activities less than promised. Here are some tips to help you focus on what's important in building happy vacation memories:
1. Typically, the most frustrating part of vacation is getting there and getting home. If you dwell too much on the arrival and departure processes, you're going to miss the fun in between.
2. Your inner brat thinks that long lines at the airport and traffic delays on the highway are the worst things that ever happened. But you know better. Remind yourself that travel frustrations are only temporary. You'll get where you're going; it will just be a little later. In the meantime be prepared with a book, a personal stereo or videogame that you can use to distract yourself. You'll arrive at your destination relaxed instead of frustrated.
3. Keep an open mind concerning activities. If the museum you had planned to visit is overcrowded, or if tickets to a specific theater performance or sporting event are unavailable, your inner brat may have a hissy fit. Ignore it and have an alternative plan ready to go. You can still find something to enjoy even if it isn't what you expected.
4. While on vacation try to live more in the moment. Too often people ruin their holidays because they dwell on what went wrong yesterday, or because they focus on how few days are left to enjoy.
5. If you really hate your vacation destination (for whatever reason) you have essentially two choices: allow your inner brat to whine and complain, leaving you miserable in the process; or find something redeeming or humorous about your predicament. I know one family whose vacation was one "calamity" after another. No one was injured, but they lost their luggage; their accommodations were mistakenly given to another family; it rained 5 out of the 7 days; one of the kids got a rash, etc. Fortunately this family had a sense of humor. Moreover, it would be a story that would be shared by the parents and children, to be passed on to future generations as the great adventure.
Until next month,
Pauline Wallin, Ph.D.
http://www.innerbrat.com
