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Welcome to the March, 2002 issue of the Inner Brat Newsletter. Welcome, new readers. If anyone has comments or questions, feel free to email me at
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IN THIS ISSUE
>The customer is NOT always right
>Inner brats in the news
>How have you tamed your own inner brat?
>Inner brat tip of the month: How to get customer service to work for you
>Distribution information
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The customer is NOT always right
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Is customer service a thing of the past? Older folks reminisce about the good old days, when Betty at the local five and dime knew your name and treated you like family. Nowadays it seems that most of the time store clerks, restaurant workers and other service industry employees are described as indifferent, abrupt or rude.
Consumer complaint web sites have proliferated in the past couple of years. If you type "complaint site" into the Google search engine, you'll get nearly a thousand hits directing you to sites with fitting names such as "mywoes.com", "thesqueakywheel.com" and "the complaintstation.com". If you type in just the word "complain" you'll get over 1.5 million hits!
Is customer service really that bad? According to some of the horror stories published in the news media and posted on the Internet, you'd think it was a daily occurrence. You may even have your own customer-service-from-hell experience.
But of course, those are the experiences people tend to remember. You don't file away in your memory the other 90% of situations when you were treated civilly.
Customers aren't the only ones complaining. There are web sites dedicated to service workers who grumble about the customers. At sites with titles like "customerssuck.com" and "anticustomers.com," as well in various discussion forums, you'll learn that from their side of the counter, patrons are chronically rude, demanding and inconsiderate.
It's quite likely that both sides are right. Service personnel complain that if they were treated like human beings they would be nicer to the customers. Customers complain that if service workers acted as if they cared, it would be a pleasure to treat them likewise. All this is not surprising. In our "bratty" self-centered culture, we tend to focus on our own needs of the moment and to become indignant when these needs are not met immediately.
Thus, as a customer you might become impatient and frustrated while a clerk waits on someone else, or when you are put on hold by a tech support person. If you're a waitress you might become irritated when a patron asks you for some additional butter: "Why didn't he say something before? Now I have to make a special trip just for a stupid pat of butter . . . how inconsiderate!" you might mutter under your breath.
The reason we get so impatient and angry is because customers and service personnel don't relate to one another on a personal level. We tend to dehumanize the people on the other side of the counter and at the other end of the phone line, as if they don't exist outside of that environment. Rather than viewing them as individuals with their own families and dreams, we tend to perceive them as obstacles that stand in the way of what we want.
When your inner brat perceives such an obstacle, it whines, protests, and makes demands. To justify its behavior it also blames others and makes excuses.
Some of you readers may be service workers, but all of you have been a customer. Thus, the remainder of this newsletter will focus on the inner brat of the customer. This inner brat is strongly convinced that "the customer is always right," even when one's demands are excessive or unreasonable. According to the inner brat, store clerks, restaurant personnel and customer service reps exist solely for one's own convenience; after all, that's what they were hired for, isn't it?
But a rude customer is never right. You have certain "rights" as a consumer, but depending upon how you exercise these rights, your mileage may vary. You learned at an early age to be nice to other people. Being nice isn't only a matter of courtesy. It's a practical tool for making transactions go smoothly. To the inner brat, however, being nice is tantamount to backing down, or "losing" the competition. The inner brat has to win, even if the cost is high.
If you storm in aggressively, making demands or threats, you will trigger the other person's inner brat, which will retaliate in the form of aggressiveness or resistance, which in turn will annoy your inner brat even more. On the other hand if you follow some of the tips in the Inner Brat Tip of the Month section below, not only will you remain calm, but you have a greater chance of getting what you want.
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In my new book, "Taming Your Inner Brat: A Guide to Transforming Self-defeating Behavior," you can learn more about the inner brat and how to control it. Find out more about how modern culture has eroded civility and personal responsibility. Learn what you can do to make sure that the nice person inside is not masked by bratty thoughts and behaviors.
There are 3 ways to buy this book:
~Visit your local bookstore
~Order online from my web site, http://innerbrat.com, or click here:
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/1582700508/drwallincom-20/107-8603571
8089358 (if this link doesn't seem to work, highlight the whole link,
including the part that wraps to the next line; then copy it and paste
it to your browser URL window.)
~Order by telephone directly from the publisher toll-free: 800-284-9673
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Inner Brats in the news
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Speaking of obnoxious customers, the brother of the infamous "hockey dad" (who is in prison for pummeling a coach to death at his son's hockey practice) was recently charged with assault and battery at a Best Buy store. James Junta had been trying to return a telephone that he had received as a Christmas gift, but when the store clerk told him that he needed a receipt, he smashed the phone, sending a piece of plastic flying 12 feet, injuring the clerk. He told police, "I got upset, threw it on the floor, stomped on it and threw it over the counter. I didn't mean to hit her.'' Mr. Junta blamed his temper on the lack of medication that he was supposed to be taking, and on the stress brought on by his brother's imprisonment.
44-year-old Marvin Franks of Calgary, Alberta was charged with drunk driving (blood alcohol 3 times the legal limit) while driving a school bus. He was reported by a 13-year-old student who called 911 from her cell phone because the driver was yelling at kids and "wasn't making any sense." In his defense, Franks said, "If you had these kids on your bus, you'd drink too." Besides, he added, he had only consumed 2 beers before work that day.
An Australian woman successfully sued Hoyt's Cinema after injuring her tailbone when she fell against the frame of theater seat. The injury occurred when she got up out of her seat to calm a child sitting next to her, and when she went to sit back down, she hit the frame because the seat had flipped up automatically while she was standing. She claims that she did not know that when one gets up from the seat, the seat retracts
Read about these and other brats in the news at
http://www.innerbrat.com/news.shtml.
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How have you tamed your own inner brat?
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Read stories of people who are working on taming their inner brats. Here's one from Michelle:
Since reading your book, I have begun to recognize all the different ways I am bratty. Though I still struggle on a daily basis to keep my brat under control, I managed to nip it in the bud at a family holiday gathering. My husband and I married in October, and I am still nervous around his side of the family. This uneasiness had my brat on edge. We were wrapping a Christmas present for a friend when my mother-in-law came over and took over the wrapping job, insisting that the best way to wrap it was different from what we were doing. My first reaction was anger. I am quite capable of wrapping a gift, and I was doing it the RIGHT way. Then I realized my inner brat was telling me MY way was not only the RIGHT way, it was the ONLY way. I sat back, took a deep breath and let her finish. The result was a perfectly wrapped gift, just as nice as if I had done it myself. It felt great to put my brat in her place! Instead of being angry, I ended up laughing at the situation.
Contribute your own story. You can remain anonymous. Go to:
http://www.drwallin.com/innerbrat_contrib.shtml
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Inner Brat Tip Of The Month: How to get customer service to work for you
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INNER BRAT TIP OF THE MONTH: HOW TO GET THE MOST CUSTOMER SERVICE FOR YOUR MONEY
Even though customer service isn't what it used to be, there are specific things you can do to maximize the likelihood that you will be taken care of. Here are some tips:
1. If you have a question or a complaint, watch your tone of voice. If you're angry, keep your anger in check (more on this later.) Rudeness and hostility are the LEAST effective ways to get cooperation from other people. It puts them on the defensive, and makes them less willing to accommodate you.
2. Try to establish a personal relationship with the salesclerk or restaurant server. For example, thank her for helping you. Address her by name if she's wearing a name tag. Take a moment to be nice. It's a wise investment because it puts her in a positive frame of mind.
3. Keep in mind that the person behind the counter probably has little power to change store policy. Rather than argue or demand to see the manager, ask for his help in finding someone else in the organization who does have the authority to respond to your request. Use phrases such as "it would really mean a lot to me," "what do you suggest?" or "I don't know where to turn." These are especially effective if you've taken a moment to establish a personal relationship with the clerk.
4. When you get frustrated or irritated, imagine yourself as a store clerk or waiter having to deal with rude customers. In that kind of scenario, how would you like to be treated?
5. If you have a tendency to be impatient, either train yourself to take frustration in stride, or else don't shop or go to a sit-down restaurant when you're in a hurry. Being pressed for time brings out one's inner brat, which results in an unpleasant shopping or dining experience , and can spill over into the rest of the day.
6. Whenever you have the opportunity, compliment the employee and repeat your compliment to the manager. Not only will this be appreciated by the store, but you will be training yourself to look for positive interactions rather than dwelling on momentary negative inconveniences.
Until next month,
Pauline Wallin, Ph.D.
http://www.innerbrat.com
