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Welcome to the December, 2001 issue of the Inner Brat Newsletter. If you have any comments or questions, feel free to email me at
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IN THIS ISSUE
>December: A gold mine of inner brat opportunities
>Inner brats in the news
>How have you tamed your own inner brat?
>Inner brat tip of the month: Keep hassles in perspective
>Distribution information
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December: A gold mine of inner brat opportunities
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December is a gold mine of opportunities for your inner brat to make a pest of itself. Because of the hectic nature of the season, there are more situations that make you edgy and irritated: malls are crowded and parking lots are full. Shopping is a pain, even on the Internet, where connections are slow at the popular merchandise sites (even if you are lucky enough to have a broadband connection.) In addition, with this year’s leaner inventory in stores and catalogs, chances are that the size or color you want is sold out by now. Your inner brat insists that you should be able to park wherever you want, buy whatever you want, and never have to wait more than 30 seconds. If you pay too much attention to this voice in the back of your mind, you’ll end up frustrated and angry.
Another set of inner brat opportunities is the endless temptation of food and drink during this month. All around you are cookies, candies, wine, egg nog and other seasonal goodies. Even if you don’t go to many parties, the stuff will show up at work, or you’ll be surrounded by it in stores and at temporary kiosks in the mall. Your inner brat tells you to go ahead and eat and drink everything you want. . . after all, it’s the holidays, and you *deserve* it.
And gifts? You may have to buy a gift for someone whom you don’t particularly like. Your inner brat will fight you on this one. grumbling all the way and making shopping more of a chore than it already is. Or, you may receive a gift that you hate. Unless you take it in stride, your inner brat will pout in protest, and ruin your holiday.
The next few weeks may require you to be more sociable than you’re used to. What if you’re invited to one or more parties? If you don’t care for parties, your inner brat will think up all sorts of cynical reasons why you shouldn’t go. It won’t help, either, to *force* yourself to go while telling yourself how much you hate it. This will only result in a stressful evening, with little hope of having a good time. Even if you do enjoy parties, you inner brat may still interfere. For example, in the midst of a busy gathering, you may feel slighted by people who haven’t come over to greet you. Or you may be disappointed by people who said they would come to your party and then don’t show up. Here your inner brat could smolder with resentment, causing a major rift in your relationships with those whom you feel have let you down.
Finally, don’t forget the family gatherings mentioned in last month’s Inner Brat Newsletter. Holiday times come with high expectations, which often deteriorate into high disappointments -- a fertile breeding ground for the inner brat.
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In my new book, “Taming Your Inner Brat: A Guide to Transforming Self-defeating Behavior”, you can learn more about the inner brat and how to control it. With the holidays in full swing, and New Year’s resolutions just around the corner, everyone’s inner brat is going to be challenged more than usual. This book is a timely source of guidance, for both yourself and to give as a gift.
There are 3 ways to buy this book:
~Visit your local bookstore
~Order online from my web site, http://innerbrat.com, or click here:
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/1582700508/drwallincom-20/107-8603571
8089358 (if this link doesn’t seem to work, highlight the whole link,
including the part that wraps to the next line; then copy it and paste
it to your browser URL window.)
~Order by telephone directly from the publisher toll-free: 800-284-9673
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Inner Brats in the news
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The family of a man and his 2-year-old son are suing rescue workers who did not find the boy before he froze to death last year. The boy had wandered away from the truck in the woods where his father had left him alone while he went out hunting. The father, convicted of negligent homicide, committed suicide on the eve of his sentencing. The family claims that the searchers failed to use established and well-known search-and-rescue techniques or properly trained dogs, and is seeking over two million dollars in damages for the two deaths.
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In his third charge of voyeurism in less than 12 months, a 43-year-old Florida man was arrested for using a tiny videocamera attached to the top of his shoe to look up women's skirts. In the past he was caught doing this at stores, flea markets and church. He had been on probation, but recently he was caught again, using his camera to peek up the skirt of a female employee at the probation office.
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In Germany a 26-year-old man attacked police with an axe, threatening to kill them for "damaging his honor" by giving him a parking ticket. The police locked themselves in their car and called for help. The man was subsequently arrested and also lost his license.
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The father of a 15-year-old California boy is suing the school district for banning his son from the basketball team. He is seeking $1.5 million, which is what he figured his son could have earned as a professional player.
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Read about these and other brats in the news at
http://www.innerbrat.com/news.shtml.
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How have you tamed your own inner brat?
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Read stories of people who are working on taming their inner brats.
Here’s a recent one from “Nancy”:
Yesterday I baked 4 batches of cookies for the holiday. I admit that I did eat some of the dough as I went along. When the cookies came out of the oven, my inner brat tried to convince me to eat all the broken or misshapen ones, but I didn't need to do that. Instead I gave the brat one perfect cookie from each batch, and put the broken ones in the freezer out of sight. My inner brat keeps reminding me they are there, but I'm trying to keep busy to distract it. Not sure if this qualifies as "controlling" my brat, but I feel a bit stronger each time I don't let it control me.
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Contribute your own story. You can remain anonymous. Go to:
http://drwallin.com/innerbrat_contrib.shtml
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Inner Brat Tip Of The Month: Keep it in Perspective
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Remember immediately after the September 11 attack, how everyone was so kind to one another and so focused on the “important” things, such as family, good health and the value of life itself? Unfortunately, much of this has feeling has faded, especially among people who did not suffer personal loss.
Don’t make this holiday a free-for-all for your inner brat. Crowds, parking spaces, out-of-stock items and even annoying people are only temporary inconveniences. And just because alcohol and calorie-laden foods are readily available, doesn’t mean that your inner brat must have what it wants when it wants.
Here are some tips to help you enjoy the next few weeks:
1. Think of the rush of activities as an adventure rather than an ordeal. If it’s raining or snowing when you must go shopping, all the better for your challenge. Attitude really does make a difference.
2. Make it a point to do one random act of kindness each day. This will disarm your inner brat and put you in a better mood for hours.
3. When you attend social gatherings, don’t dwell on yourself or on what people are thinking of you. Focus on others and find something interesting about them, even if it’s only a novel tie that they’re wearing. You will be less self-conscious and your inner brat will fade into the background.
4. If you’re watching your weight in the face of seasonal treats and beverages, remember they are not poison (except, of course, for foods that you’re allergic to.) You can probably have a few of these treats without doing major damage to your diet. In fact, it’s better to decide in advance how much you’re going to eat or drink, and stick to it, instead of depriving yourself altogether. A strictly deprived inner brat is more likely to resort to serious tactics to make you give in.
5. Accept gifts graciously. You’re not “entitled” to a gift. If it’s the wrong size or color, or if you really don’t like it, tough. Try not to read too much into the motives of the person giving you the gift. For example, don’t assume that because the person got you the “wrong” gift, that he or she doesn’t really care about you. One doesn’t measure the quality of a relationship by the cost or nature of a Christmas present.
Until next month,
Pauline Wallin, Ph.D.
http://www.innerbrat.com
